Quick (restaurant) Puns

Fortunately he is alive but is still in a korma.

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.'

I'm a server at a restaurant part time, and the other week I was serving a table of around 8 people. I went over to check on them and see if anyone was done so I could clear their plates. They said they weren't done...

Me - Okay I was just checking, I don't want you to think I'm rushin you.

The dad - Yeah I don't think anybody here is Russian.

Me - Yeah but is anyone Finnish?

The whole table busted out laughing. I walked away satisfied and was also left a handsome tip.

Food is good, service is quick but it feels like there's no atmosphere.

My dad and I are halfway through a quick little Eurotrip, and we're stopped in Maribor for a couple of days so he can do some cycling. We're at dinner last night, and I ask our waitress for the check. My dad's face beams as he belts out a quick:

"No, Slovenian!"

We're on the road together for another week.

Mom: I'm sure bread will be by quickly Dad: Our server's name is Jeff, not bread

A boy tells his dad, "We have a new teacher this week. Her name is Ms. Simon." Dad quickly replies, "Does everyone do what Ms. Simon Says?"

I'm out to dinner with my family and my grandpa starts sniffling a bit. So he pulls out one of his super old patterned handkerchiefs and says "my nose keeps running". He then quickly grabs his nose, handkerchief in hand and yells "got it!" super loud in the restaurant were at. While he's laughing at his own joke he goes "that's funny right there" and keeps laughing and partially retelling the joke.

I'm proud to be his grandson.

So a year or so back, my family is eating dinner at a restaurant that serves bottled soda. I'm drinking a Coke. Now, this is back in the day when the "Share a Coke" campaign was a huge deal, so mine said "Share a Coke with Juan."

After a few moments, my sister looks at me and says, "LinkRar, you need to share that with Juan." And without missing a beat, I quickly reply,

"But (sister name here), I have no JUAN to share it with."

My sister did not like it very much.

My family loves rolls, breadsticks, etc at restaurants (who doesn't?). We usually finish off the first basket quickly.

Waitress: Is everything okay?

Dad: No, I think there was a hole in the basket. Can we get more?

Waitress: (confused look) Oh, uh, haha, sure.

Every. Time.

Quick backstory: there is a bar in my town that all new alumni of the town's university sign upon graduation. My friends and I were in their celebrating a 21st birthday on Saturday and I just graduated. The bar is a restaurant in the daytime and they have great sundaes.

My friend asked the bartender for a sharpie so I could sign the ceiling. The bartender didn't have one and this was our exchange:

Me: "Ah let's come in tomorrow and get sundaes and I'll sign the ceiling."

Friend: "Sounds good to me."

Me: "It could be a sundate."

Friend: "Really...."

Me: "Convenient on Sunday!"

Friend: "Jokes on you it's going to be really cloudy!"

Me: "So then it's just clou-day."

Friend: "Get out." (Turns back to me while cringing)

I won't technically be a dad for another 2 months but it's coming faster than I expected.

Yesterday I went out to eat with my wife and after dinner we contemplated going out for ice cream. As we left the restaurant though a huge storm had blown in and it was crazy windy outside. I decided that we should just go home to avoid the storm and as we drove past a Baskin Robbins my wife made a comment about how empty the store was and I quickly replied with a smile on my face "Everyone must have got wind of the storm."

It was followed by an eye roll by my wife.