I was taking my children on a tour of the largest territory in Canada, but they kept acting up so I turned around and went home.

My wife was mad about it, but I don't care! I was having Nunavut!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did John McEnroe say when he got to the smallest and westernmost of Canada's three federal territories?

Yukon't be serious!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone told me Yukon is the largest territory in Canada

But I'm having Nunavut.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargingTiger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How much of Northern Canada is habitable?

Nunavut.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditmanagement_
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray

The man asks "is this good for wasps?"

The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDoorknob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.

It’s all Maple leaf

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berryman85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
In which part of Canada are you not allowed to do anything?

Ban-ff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 333
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 371
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Justin is the Prime Minister of Canada...

What, you don't believe me?

It's Trudeau.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Petty_Dick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

πŸ‘︎ 500
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did I stop and take a shot of vodka when I was running late to work?

That's what I do when I'm Russian

πŸ‘︎ 344
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rysefin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jvlpdillon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

πŸ‘︎ 174
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?

Triple Eh

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jrgonz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Nobody believes me when I say I can name the prime minister of Canada

It's Trudeau.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."

"It's to look at. "

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.

I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.

πŸ‘︎ 373
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife called me at work and told me one of our envelopes is giving her an attitude

I told her I will address it when I get home

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved

He really raised the bar on that one

πŸ‘︎ 357
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
If a one L Lama is a holy man and a 2 L Llama is a beast of burden, what is a three L Llama?

A big fire in Boston.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noobinoa
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Disney just announced a Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean crossover

I'm looking forward to seeing Arrgghh-2-D2.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator that shows up suddenly and out of nowhere?

An Instagator!

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordsofGastone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI β€˜s head.

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m not sure if it’s true or false that he is the Prime Minister of Canada, but that his name is Justin

is Trudeau

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the US mad at Canada for remaining part of the commonwealth?

Because being stuck with the land of the Angles is obtuse

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wnlm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts

I said decaf.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhhokanything
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
While talking about Tommy Hilfiger and the prices of Tommy Hilfiger. I randomly did this
πŸ‘︎ 485
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarklingGolem50
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man bursts into his therapist's office and yells, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep dreaming that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"

The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....

Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".

(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")

Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mavaction
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
does anyone know if a doctor can take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?

Ass skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How is the British child of an Australian bear and a Antarctic sea animal like a Tupperware?

They're both koala-tea-seals!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
The first letter of the sign of a derelict hotel fell off and killed a man.

He died of old H.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:

β€œYou wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”

πŸ‘︎ 373
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/souphead420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.

I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.

Turned out they already had the auntybodies.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thyminecraft
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A group of geese is a gaggle, agroup of rats: a mischief, a murder of crows, bats a colony and men a crowd. What's a group of batmen?

An orphanage.

πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jayjay3078
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Canadian PM Justin Trudeau considers changing the name of a province

But the voters are having Nunavut

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzbandrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
After Orville and Wilbur’s first horrific and fatal plane-accident leaving their remains scattered on the tarmac, the chief medical examiner approaching what was left of them simply asked:

β€œAre you all Wright?!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fadedmemento
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm filming a new documentary about the governor of the Roman province of Judaea, serving under Emperor Tiberius...

We're currently filming the Pilate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"

The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My herd of cows got loose and wandered into a field of Marijuana

The stakes have never been so high

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/judahthelion014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of gun is common in Canada?

An β€œEh K”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pharmerino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.

It was shelf defense.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.