For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.
She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!
Who does Apple call on to provide testimony in court?
Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
They’re technically Elf employed
Thank you for getting me through college, student loan providers.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
would provide energy for sure
What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
I nominate all of your passengers for the ice bucket challenge.
Joke provided by my 13 y/o daughter
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?
A national coin shortage must provide some much needed relief for people who don’t like change.
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.
He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
He can provide you with fresh prints.
Do you know what is used to provide vision at night at school playgrounds?
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
Thank you God for providing me and my family with these instant noodles for supper.
Glasses make driving safer..
Provided that they're worn instead of emptied.
What's the name of the largest cell service provider for alien life forms?
What cell service provider do track stars use?
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
This quarantine has provided me the perfect opportunity to start a yacht making company in my attic...
Sails are through the roof!
A KING WHO PROVIDES FREE ELECTRICITY TO HIS KINGDOM...
What was the cell phone provider's baby's first word ?
I didn't think my friend's MacGyver-ed flashlight contraption would work until he provided a detailed description.
It was very illuminating.
Our local pet store provides quality puns.
Fun Fact For The Day...
When Alan Turing was cracking codes during WW2, his sister Kay was providing drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues.
Scotland has made the decision to provide free sanitary products.
I would have predicted a trial period.
How does a baby look something up?
They "Goo Goo" it.
[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]
These guys provide custom 'pens'
Did you hear the joke about the cows that provided milk for the Roman Army?
You totally should. It's legion-dairy.
Talking about cellphone providers
Kid: "Dad! Who's our internet service provider?"
Percussion:
It provides the beat to every-ting!
What do you call a three legged dalmation who provides free internet.
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
Eddy Grant has started a very profitable energy provider for homes
Have you seen his Electric Revenue?
I’m working for a charity that provides support for elderly grapes
My job is in raisin awareness.
A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for
But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.
And as his secretary says...
No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: “What else could the management provide — that might have prevented you from leaving?”
I was going to provide my local bank with a loan
The man and the silver screw.
There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.
The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."
Did you hear about the phone provider where you can order hot drinks?
My wife wanted me to be there for her operation to provide "moral support"
I told her she should probably talk to a priest instead.
My friend can't pronounce his Rs, so his butler stopped providing him with red wine.
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas..
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
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