Just for the record, I need a new phonograph.
I was banned from /r/dadjokes for posting about my love of canned pork products
My son grows a lot of fur and manufactures products of art or craft on nights when the moon is full...
My underprivileged friend will only listen to the b side of his records.
It’s like he lives on the other side of the tracks.
I found an old vinyl record of insect sounds.
I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.
What time of the day are you most productive?
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
"car-pool tunnel syndrome."
I’ve being breaking a lot of records recently...
I would have broken more if they didn’t kick me out of the music store.
Have you seen the movie about production methods of boats, planes, and bridges in the 20th century?
I can't remember the name but it's riveting.
My son's science fair entry was a volcano made of a fat product from rendering the fatty tissue of a pig. My son's fat teacher waddled around everywhere when he set it off...
The lard ash was everywhere!
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....
It was his vinyl request.
Fun whiskey fact: when creating Buffalo Trace bourbon, the first couple of attempts were complete failures. They even went so far as to destroy all records of the early products
which is why you never hear about Buffalo Uno or Buffalo Dos
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
Did you here? They made a stage production of the dictionary.
Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing
Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...
I hope it is a big cellar.
I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube...
It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.
What kind of fermented milk product do large scary monsters eat?
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?
John Deere salespeople stand behind all of their products.
Except maybe the manure spreader
What do you call a clock made out of records?
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
I must have 10 New Order records but I only ever seem to play one of them.
I have a serious Substance abuse problem
Tesla just started production of medical gear to support hospital workers...
The Elon Mask is their first product.
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.
Then the librarian told me to take it out.
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media.
A bit morbid but hilarious. This happened earlier today.
My son had never heard of the store “Buy Buy Baby” (an American chain of stores for products for babies, similar to “Babies R Us”). I can’t remember exactly why I brought it up, but I mentioned the store to my wife (I think we were reminiscing on shopping there for our kids).
My son overheard me say it, and he asked if it was some sick name for an abortion clinic.
As in “Bye bye baby.”
So stupid but I can’t remember the last time I laughed as hard as I did. I can’t stop replaying it in my head and laughing.
How does an arborist keep record of his business.
He keeps a log of every tree cuts down.
"I got a role in a production of Macbeth!" "Neat, which one?" "Yes! How did you know‽"
As a Broadway director my life's greatest accomplishment was the production about a group of kleptomaniacs.
Unfortunately, one of them stole the show.
My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...
Where there's a will, there's a whey.
Where does a farmer document the milk production of his cows?
If a painter records videos of himself painting and posts them on social media,
is he considered a recording artist?
What do you call a successful chain of hemp-based product stores?
I just broke two of my dad's old Queen records
Now I want to break three.
My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"
He's such a smoothie talker.
Robin: Did you name all of the products in the bathroom after yourself Batman?
Batman: Of course not.
Robin: Batshampoo?
Batman: Okay, yes there is that.
Robin:.........
Batman: But there is also Conditioner Gordon
What do you call Chef Boyardee products that you stockpile in the event of a quarantine?
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of their times.
I saw something in the tub and thought the cat took a crap in there, but he just knocked over some of my wife’s hair care products.
The fisherman used all funds from fish sales to buy collections of audio recordings issued as a single item on CD...
He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.
Just for the record, I need a new phonograph.
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.
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