Fake noose!
It depends…they are all in sects.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡Guess i have to try it without r
...pew pew pew!!!
a budapest.
She just could not stand to watch it!
Cheesus Christ.
Because it was holey cheese.
You're welcome.
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
1st kid: "Do you always pray before every meal ?"
2nd kid: "No...My mum knows how to cook."
It's always a love/ate relationship
... for they don't give a shit.- Gandhi
They are both birds of pray
The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
Lettuce pray. My dad: Oh my gourd....
A Praying Mantis.
Yes I thought of this joke, no im not sorry.
Because they had beef between them.
They pray on their neigh's to God so that they can maintain their stable life.
It varies, they're all in sects.
G sus
Three nuns were praying on a park bench when a man walks up and flashes them.
1st nun had a stroke, the 2nd nun also had a stroke.
The 3rd one was too slow!
I guess the cow is Cattle-ic
What is their faith?
It depends. They're all in sects.
Lettuce pray
They're in sects.
It’s Putin people in a bad situation.
(Sorry. My Dad said this while we were watching the news and it made me snort. Thought I’d share.
It is really horrible still, and I pray for the people of Ukraine. 💙💛🇺🇦)
A bird of pray
