I get hazard pay for working in a liquor shop
After all, it’s whiskey business
The science guy created a potentially world destroying acid/toxic waste
How should you remove hazardous materials from your house?
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
Is it hard to find a two letter pronoun that can be used to refer to oneself as an object?
This has so much potential but I just can’t think of anything!
Someone asked how much I know about carving objects out of wood.
I proudly exclaimed to my family, "As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass!"
"I just wanted to make that clear!"
Before hiring a new stylist, my salon requires a demonstration of the potential hire's skills...
Most don't even make the cut.
I used to get small shocks every time I touched metal objects, but I don't anymore.
I sent a circle to college, and it quickly became the smartest object on the planet.
Seriously, it had 360 degrees!
It cost £3.15 for a sandwich
Would have just been cheaper to get pi
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
What did the cow say to the celestial object?
I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
Hazard a guess what Humpty Dumpty's favourite month is
October. Why? Because he had a great fall. 😜✅💯
What does it take to get PhDs in dadjokes?
My wife got mad at me for have sexual affairs with inanimate objects
I told her it was one night stand...
With great potential come great opportunities
Does anyone want a package of dead batteries?
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
I think joule really likes this joke
Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...
...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough
Nearly Headless Nick had such potential to be a great character
But he was so badly executed.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
what would snoop dogg's weapon of choice be?
My wife is such a sex object.
Every time I want sex, she objects.
We preserve objects very well these days.
Soon, artefacts may just become a thing of the past.
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
Credit to u/the_richard_cranium. In a sub called r/nononono where things that had the potential to go wrong do, a woman struggles to put out a match. She sets it on the table, defeated failing to do so, but she forgot to put it out before doing so.
Confused, another redditor asked “What kind of match was that?” Cranium replied “No match for her apparently”
Who would run a country where there are only objects used for geometrical drawing?
The "directional" hazard.
Being straight will never be right.
Am i right or am i right?
(sorry this was stupid.)
What is the most sexual object in the world?
A door, because it wont stop banging the frame.
Potential storage loft for salaried athletes’ prosthetics is in question:
...could be pro-limb-attic!
This one weird object will literally shock you!
The Muppets teamed up with NASA to name a newly discovered celestial object.
Upon its first sighting, the Jim Henson Company issued a press release, "Comet Defrog here."
My wife said I can't treat people like objects.
I'm not so sure I can live with that.
Potential EU Leaving Names
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
My friend and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
My friend and I started a business where we weigh microscopic objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
I've just started a business where I weigh tiny objects.
It's a small scale operation
I call my wife the sex object.
Anytime i want sex, she objects.
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