I was positive she would get it...
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Mar 09 2021
I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...
He replied, "oui shall sΓ."
ποΈ 92
π
οΈ Mar 05 2021
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Mar 08 2021
What's the most positive thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a big plus.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Mar 09 2021
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
ποΈ 11k
π
οΈ Mar 03 2021
I once dated a phlebotomist whom, when she tried to draw my blood, said "Be positive."
It was then I realized, she wasn't my type.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Feb 25 2021
I tested positive for my corvid-19 test
It really ruffled my feathers
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 15 2021
Sons.....
ποΈ 4k
π
οΈ Feb 08 2021
I told my wife that I must always be positive. She asked βWhy must you?β
βItβs in my blood.β I replied.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Feb 14 2021
The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jan 20 2021
What sex position makes the ugliest babies?
ποΈ 62
π
οΈ Dec 15 2020
I started a petition to swap the position of "a" and "n" in the alphabet.
No one took me seriously when I said jk lmao
ποΈ 110
π
οΈ Nov 30 2020
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Feb 05 2021
Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...
Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 26 2021
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why canβt you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
ποΈ 7k
π
οΈ Jan 28 2021
Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...
Else, theyβd be called Pecants
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 25 2021
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Jan 15 2021
What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jan 21 2021
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Jul 06 2020
What makes boaters such positive people?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jan 19 2021
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Dec 21 2020
U have been tested positive for breathtaking
ποΈ 127
π
οΈ Oct 16 2020
Australian tennis star Bernard Tomic's sister, Ana, agreeing with her friend Ally about the positions of body parts
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 01 2020
This support group will help you recharge
ποΈ 83
π
οΈ Feb 06 2021
I met a transformer who only had positive thoughts.
He said his name was optimist prime
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Nov 10 2020
I am positive that there is something wrong with Quasimodo's back
Or it could be just a hunch
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Dec 08 2020
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 07 2020
I hate negative numbers in math.
Iβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
ποΈ 46
π
οΈ Feb 24 2021
Trump tested positive for COVID-19
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Oct 02 2020
Stay Positive
Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).
Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.
Me to son, βHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.β
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Nov 09 2020
What religious positions are open for women?
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Aug 17 2020
If Karen had a job, what would her position be?
Head of the chain of demand.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Sep 25 2020
I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive
Sheβs now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Sep 27 2020
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
ποΈ 15k
π
οΈ Oct 01 2020
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
ποΈ 47
π
οΈ Aug 02 2020
Need donors for my phone's blood transfusion.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Feb 27 2021
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iβm glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
ποΈ 11k
π
οΈ Nov 12 2020
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
ποΈ 20k
π
οΈ Oct 21 2020
So I tested positive for covid antibodies.
My dad wanted to know about my uncle-bodies.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Oct 05 2020
What would you call a man from GdaΕsk?
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Jan 27 2021
/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers
https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv
Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.
Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Sep 18 2020
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. Heβs doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
ποΈ 19k
π
οΈ Aug 08 2020
Instead of medicine, my hippie girlfriend cured her hemorrhoid using only the "power of positive suggestion."
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Sep 29 2020
My wife left her position as a Geologist to pursue her dream as a tennis coach...
...She went from studying faults to double-faults.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Sep 04 2020
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