My dad was an organ player at basketball games, one time something got stuck on the organ and it made such a loud sound he sadly died.

The death was listed as β€œorgan failure”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benyou34
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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A player asked why I shut down the soccer game suddenly when his mother started cussing and yelling...

I replied, "ask your mom. The reason is a parent."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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It is a fab four player game.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Players just can’t seem to keep their hands off this new board game..

Glue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprmnstr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Vegans everywhere β€˜Don’t hate the player, hate the game(y-meat)!’
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLisaShow2020
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What do you call a bunch of Chess players bragging about their games in the hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting on an open foyer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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After numerous icings in a hockey game, a player was sent to the penalty box.

He needed time to thaw out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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In one version of a poker game players must put away a load of laundry before they start.

This variation is called Texas fold 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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I was at a soccer game, when a fan jumped onto the field dressed as a player. He was chased off.

Now here’s the real kicker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaywalkingCat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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Why are NFL players going to sweat more this year?

Because there will be no fans at games.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rudy102600
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My dad was once playing the Game Of Life.

But strangely, he kept a dictionary as the only other player. I asked him what he was doing.

He said, β€œSon, in this game of life, you just need to play with words to make a good dad-joke!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend

Love meant nothing to her.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milkchaser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gt0t
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racket

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sasherrrrz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Why do hockey players wear so many pads?

Because they have 3 periods a game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoppedup82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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My son didn't cope well with going to jail.

He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravireads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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Why did the stadium get so hot before the game?

because the players were warming up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatRoomate
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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Went to a football game with my friend Richard.

There was this guy on the pitch with a beanie on his head. He scored the first goal, a header.

"Great goal," I said.

"Yes," said my friend. "A great goal."

Another opportunity arose ten minutes later, and the same player jumped up, and scored another header. A terrific one.

"Wow, that was unstoppable," I told my friend.

"Yes, unbelievable. Unstoppable," he replied.

Towards the end of the game, the same player leapt up, scored another incredible header.

I turned to my friend, flabbergasted and said, "I think that thing on his head, it's giving him some sort of advantage. This entire game he hasn't missed a single header."

"What about it?" asked my friend.

I said. "He's got a hat, Rick."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said β€œneigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightingale102
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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What do they call fist bumps in the U.K.?

British Pounds

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flandersmcj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Help I'm announcing a high school soccer banquet tonight and need some dad jokes

Greeting, I'm the MC at a small high school soccer banquet this evening and need some humor help. I play rugby and my son plays soccer so any little digs I can get about that would be helpful too. We are American and I don't know any pro soccer player so please refrain on specific players. Thanks in advance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hals318
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2016
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Football legend Gary Lineker must be a dad
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/treapor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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Any League of Legends players out there?

I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.

So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:

Me: Oh shoot.

Me: Can anyone trade me?

--Someone trades me their champion--

Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.

From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearZeBubus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Gramp was a player!

He passed a few years ago. But he's still one of the funniest people I've ever met. The funniest thing he's ever said was at a pharmacy.

An attractive young lady was working behind the counter. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans. My grandfather walks up to her and says "Geesh, how do you get in jeans like that? ... Should I buy you a drink first?"

He was awesome. I wish I had half the game he did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lufkinmj4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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I was dad-joked during the football game tonight

I was watching the Seattle Seahawks play against the Green Bay Packers tonight, and Derrick Coleman was shown on TV. I turned to my dad, "That's the deaf football player, right?"

Him "Huh?"

Me "That football player is deaf, right?"

Him " What?" As he held his hand up to his ear.

God damn it dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redhot128
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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A game about shooting birds was only singleplayer

My dad comes up and asks "can I play with you?" I say, no it's only 1 player He replies "tucan play this game" Mistakes were made

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomPerson696
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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My parents were watching the Women's World cup last night

My mom saw a player that was particularly androgynous and asked my father "Is she transgender? She looked like Caitlyn Jenner."

My father, without taking his eyes off the game responded "No, she's trans-jenner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drfunkenstien014
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
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brakes and gaming

My van's brakes have been grinding for the past few days and I was able to get them fixed yesterday.

On the way to driving my daughter, an avid WOW player, to school this morning I stopped at the stop sign and said, "You hear that?" She shakes her head no. "The brakes aren't grinding anymore. The van is now level 51!"

She simply looked at me and shook her head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobsbattle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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So as I'm getting a drink from the fridge while enjoying a football game with my family, a wild Dad Joke appears...

football commentator says something about a player's NFL debut being today just before I get crushed ice from the in-door ice maker from the fridge

Dad: "Wait I missed that, WHOSE debut is it today? What was his name again? I couldn't hear!" Me, loudly: "Hang on!" points to fridge "Ice maker." Dad: "WOW his name is Ice Maker?! No wonder he's so tough!"

Now, my dad doesn't often do this so I kinda started at him before slowly saying, "No.....his....it's not...." Then he grinned at me as I felt dumb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotkrypto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2014
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Dad got me at the hockey game last night...

So we went to the Wild's preseason game against the Blues last night and there was a blues player who fell down after blocking a shot with his inner thigh. It reminded me of this goal (http://www.reddit.com/tb/2i8prv) I saw on r/hockey yesterday that JvR scored off his weiner, and told my dad about it.

His response: That's nuts! Good thing it wasn't in their own goal, that would've been a dick move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grafiteballoon7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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My brother, my dad and I were watching a volleyball game...

...And one of the player's name is "Miskin" (Polish setter for Jasztrebski-Wegiel, a very well known club in Poland and Europe). Us being Indonesian, the word "miskin" means "poor" as in not having money.

So during the whole game my dad would say stuff like:

  • "How come does he play in a prestigious club and still end up being poor?"

  • "Maybe if he gets his paycheck they will finally write "Rich" ("Kaya" in Indonesian) on his jersey."

And other phrases I managed to forget.

When he says them, my mom who isn't watching, would stop whatever she was doing to raise her head to stare into the emptiness and shake her head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Starguy310
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A Dungeons & Dragons Related Dad Joke...

I'm currently running my players through a D&D adventure titled "Curse of Strahd".

Last session, my players found a journal revealing details about the main villain, Count Strahd Von Zarovich. When they acquired it, I passed the adventure book over--opened up to an illustration depicting the journal's pages--and one of the players proceeded to read. After struggling for a bit, he said, "I'm having a tough time reading this cause it's so cursive."

Yes," I responded. "It's the cursive Strahd."

I had that one chambered and ready for weeks, just waiting for the right moment.

What my players don't know is that I'm also going to include a few other bits of flavor for my them to find as they progress through the game:

  • A fancy handbag with the initials "SVZ" hammered into the leather... the "purse of Strahd"
  • A grave in which the Von Zarovich family nanny is buried... the "nurse of Strahd"
  • A carriage very obviously built to accommodate Strahd's coffin... the "hearse of Strahd"
  • A book full of poetry written during Strahd's younger days, before he was consumed by darkness... the "verse of Strahd"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/transplantasian
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
🚨︎ report
A guy I know tore his ACL and this is how he told everyone on Facebook

While this news undoubtedly sucks, I'm trying to take it in stride and em-brace it nonetheless! The recovery will give me the opportunitknee to improve my skills as a sideline player and some extra downtime to expand my abilities in programming and graphic design. I plan to continue at-tendon practices and other events as normal though! So many teammates, past and present, have already been incredibly supportive and reached out to help me; its certainly been a joint effort, and I can't thank you all enough for that. In hindsight, I wouldn't change akneething about attending USA U24 tryouts as tenacity, perserverance, and sacrifice are often the names of the game in pursuit of distant dreams. Ultimately, I guess some things are just liga-meant to be!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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Any tips for playing pool?

Last night I was being demolished by a friend while playing. In the middle of the game, my dad (who’s an excellent pool player) calls me. I pick up and tell him I’m losing at pool and need a pro tip from him. He tells me:

Don’t get wet...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CricketPancakeMix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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What do you call a bunch of chess players discussing their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer...

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/palpameme_66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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