Why can't you surprise plastic containers?

They are top aware.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrama
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store...

And asks the proprietor if she could recommend a bird cage. The shopkeeper replies that she has both plastic and metal varieties.

β€œWell what kind of metal is used in the metal one?” he asks?

β€œI’m not sure. Aluminum, I think,” she responds.

β€œDo you happen to know if it contains any nickel?”

β€œNo, I don’t believe it does,” she answers, looking puzzled.

β€œAh,” says the man. β€œSo what you’re saying is that it’s a nickel-less cage.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darth-noxious
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the β€œbrilliant” idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.

To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.

On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.

β€œDaaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears.

Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said β€œWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkHonnor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife made my cold even worse

I was making tea with lemon juice to clear up my congestion, and my wife wanted me to use the one real lemon we have but I wanted to use the plastic lemon container stuff. Eventually she got exasperated, put the lemon in my hand, and said "WHEN WIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMON TEA."

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlumbTheDerps
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
30 years of fatherhood and I think this is his finest dadjoke

I'm getting my lunch ready this morning before I leave for work and as I'm pouring it into a plastic container, I ask my mum what type it is.

"It's potato and leek" she replies

"So if it spills everywhere, you know why"

Cue groans and slapping of foreheads from mum and I

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tote_Sport
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Getting down the Christmas Decorations..

So my Pops asks if I could help him get the Christmas "stuff" down from the loft with him. We have a loft above the garage where we store seasonal decorations.

He'll go up in the loft and I'll stand on the middle of the ladder, where he hands me the plastic containers, which I'll place on the floor.

As soon as he gets up there I see that the most accessible and logical box to take down first is the one with the wrapping paper. I reach for it and he shoos me away coming up with an excuse to leave it up there for the time being.

Right then and there I knew exactly what he was doing and I couldn't stop it.

We get the absurd amount of containers down until there's only the one left. He hands it too me and says, "Whelp.. that about wraps it up. Haha."

It's not even that good and I knew it was coming for the whole half-hour, but never the less I rolled my eyes and gave him his moment of glory. He deserves it.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wh33zi3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
🚨︎ report
The misses is on a fast track to dad jokes...

My fiancee knocked on to the floor at a friends house, a single slice cake we had got from Smith's; comes packaged in a small, square plastic container, and was still in the container when it hit the carpet. I still proceeded to give her a hard time saying she did it on purpose, etc. As she reached over to pick it up she accidentally dipped her shirt on to the top of a caramel covered brownie she was eating. She sat back up and noticed the caramel circle covering the nipple of her shirt, and without second thought cries, "Aww man, caramel's a bitch."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsonlythreeyears
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.