In one particular scene heβs strolling down a busy street in NYC and a taxi almost hits him. He slams the hood of the taxi and yells
Hey Iβm Joaquin here!
If Phoenixes can fly why is he Joaquin?
Joaquin dead.
Then he'll really be an ace attorney.
...in which I replied, "that's what they call a bad day in Arizona."
I'll see myself out.
He keeps telling me its LA, but its gotta be Phoenix, right?
If this were real life, I'd wish you a happy bot-day!
(Happy cake-ling cursedrobot.)
Harrison Fjord
A cold shoulder
Credit to u/Phoenix_Slayer3000
Pets I want to have....
An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo DiβCarprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.
a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
She said her and her family where going down to Florida when I said. "WOW that's cool what brings you down there?"
When she replied "A plane."
.... she got me good.
He was number one. He was so good, he was about to break into Hollywood.
Then his kitchen caught fire and he died.
It was incredibly tragic.
Suddenly he was reborn, brighter and better than before.
He was Wok King Phoenix.
Instead of being called the Joker, it could have been Joaquin Phoenix as the Joaqer.
Walking Phoenix.
But Iβm like a phoenix, rising from molasses.
We were driving to a friend's house for "game day". We live in Phoenix...we have flora that doesn't like living..because..it is Phoenix.As we were driving, we passed a huge palm tree on its last root (leg) of life in the median of the road. It is literally being held up by a few 2x4's. I look at my husband with the saddest look I can muster before I say "Babe, did you see that poor palm?". Husband says, "Oh yea, that big, dead-looking ones with the boards?". I respond, "Yea, sweetie, we should say a prayer. The poor thing is on LEAF support". He was not amused...I, however, giggle every other Saturday when we pass the tree to game day. Also, please don't worry about the tree. Now that Phoenix has made it through a hot summer, I bet after winter it will just spring back to life...assuming it doesn't fall. Lastly, sorry I'm not a dad or no actually dad said it...but I was channeling that inner dad when it happened! If I need to move this post it is okay!
Joaquin Phoenix
The Phoenix Suns
My father volunteers at the zoo in Phoenix and so when we visit he loves to give us tours and lots of information about the animals we see.
We were walking by the coati exhibit and he was noting that coati can turn their feet backwards in order to more easily walk down trees. He then turned to my son and said, "their feet kind of look like bear feet, don't they?"
"Yeah," my son answered.
Dad then asked, "do you know why?"
My son was really interested and asked, "why?"
Completely deadpan, my father looked at him and said, "because they don't have any shoes on."
Was talking with my S.O. who mentioned Jack Gleeson (King Joffery) spoilt the death of Sirius Black in the Order of the Phoenix. When I called him a cunt for it she said "Are you seriously getting annoyed at that?". Her brother interjected "I guess you could say he's a Sirius fan!"
Just discovered this awesome subreddit and have a dad joke that I heard while hanging out with my friend a while back. We're driving back to their house and the interaction went like this:
Friend: Hey dad, want to hear a joke?
Dad: Sure, hit me!
Friend: What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Dad: thinks to himself Phoenix and Scottsdale!
Friend: I-what? Phoenix and Scottsdale?
Dad: Yeah, you said his two sons! Tuscon, Arizona! Phoenix and Scottsdale!
He just howled with laughter while my friend kept calling him lame.
While driving into Phoenix, Arizona from Flagstaff, my SO pointed out an area of road that was flooded yesterday due to the monsoon rainstorms. Looking at the crew that was cleaning up the debris from the road, I simply said, "Damn."
She replied, "Yeah, they could have used one.
Joaquin Phoenix
He was number one. He was so incredible , he was about to break into Hollywood.
Then his kitchen caught fire and he died.
It was horribly tragic.
Suddenly he was reborn, brighter and better than before.
He was Wok King Phoenix.
