I tried to tell me wife about a dream I had where I was weaving the hair of the Philadelphia Flyer's mascot into intricate braids...

She was disgusted, and told me she didn't want the Knit-ty Gritty details.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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PHILadelphia
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Pinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Teacher: β€œTrue or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia.”

Student: β€œFalse. It was written in ink.”

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Me after the superbowl: I wonder what kind of state Philadelphia is going to be in tomorrow.

Dad: I'm pretty sure it'll still be in Pennsylvania.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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I was playing Trivia Crack, and I (jokingly) asked out loud which state Philadelphia is in.

My dad said "decay."

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoherentBusyDucks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2015
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These signs are all over Philadelphia
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorimukyasuto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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My brother is a truck driver in the Philadelphia area and I just got him, am I ready to be a dad?

I texted my brother this morning about a story one of my co-workers was telling, Brother: Cool. I'm super busy today. Will be running around philly. Me: You should probably use your truck instead of running. It's been an hour and a half and he still hasn't responded. I'm feeling quite proud of myself for that one!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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Fiancee and I stopped in Philadelphia on a road trip and decided to get some cheesesteaks

Her: It's chilly.

Me: No, it's Philly!

Her: groan

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HamAndTunaFish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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I used to play triangle in a Jamaican reggae band.

I had to quit because it was one ting after another

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Mac & Cheese

What's the opposite of Mac & Cheese?

Windows & Cheese!

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourfourjew
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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A trip to the zoo...

A few years ago, my dad decided to take my younger sister, my girlfriend and me to the Philadelphia Zoo. We were just walking in among a crowd of people and my dad noticed there were some construction workers on a roof of one of the buildings in the zoo. Almost immediately, he pointed up to them and said, very loudly, "Hey look! There's a flock of Homo sapiens!" All of the kids and some of the adults in the surrounding area quickly looked up. I even heard one kid ask his mom what a Homo sapien was. My pops was pretty proud of himself for that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jturch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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Have you seen the new sitcom based around the sectarian Islamic takeover of the city of brotherly love?

It's Always Suni In Philadelphia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaenHoffiCoffi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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Dad would use this with my high school lady crushes

A guy is standing at a train station in philadelphia, he walks up to the ticket window to get a ticket, when the guy walks up to the window he notices the ticket person is a babe with a "pair of knockers". The man needed to get home quick and was distracted by the knockers and when she asked the guy how she could help, he quickly said "i need two pickets to tittsburgh, please"

god dammit dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snuffaluffakuss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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Secretary yelled at my mom & dad, hit her with this gem

Before I was born my parents lived in Philadelphia. My mom was about 7 months along when they were referred by a friend of a friend to this pediatrician who was top notch. They were on their way for the first visit to the new doctors and they were running late. They walked into a crowded waiting room and went to the front glass and checked in. The secretary started yelling at my mother and father saying this is Dr. so and so, he is a top class physician, people wait years to get on his waiting list, AND YOU'RE LATE!

And my father goes "OF COURSE SHES LATE THATS HOW YOU END UP AT A PEDIATRICIAN'S OFFICE!"

Even the secretary cracked a smile as everyone else groaned and laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Honeydipper_Dan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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A Celebration of Dad Jokes

this isn't strictly a dad joke, but our local NPR affiliate in Philadelphia had a celebration of dad jokes today, and I figured you gents might be interested. They do give credit to reddit for the rise of dadjokes.

A Celebration of Dad Jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cschrader
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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My Dad on The Lego Movie yesterday...

My family are all big fans of the show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, so when a trailer for The Lego Movie came on, we all paid close attention, because Charlie Day from the show has a role in it.

My dad, who was in the other room, came in and asked what we were talking about.

"The Lego Movie. A trailer just came on for it."

"Oh, I've heard great things about that I think it's going to be big."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, a real blockbuster."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eckmann88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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