Itβs called Al-Quinoa
Danteβs in fur now.
Because there is more than one way to skin a cat.
But I think itβs pretty messed up that they make sweaters out of turtle necks
He screamed for deer life.
HUMMUS
Me: "PETA is a messed up organization" Dad: "Yeah, they focus too much on their bread products" Me: "God dammit"
W.H.O. Lets the dogs out!
Peta Parker
PETA Griffin
They called PETA for animal endangerment.
A Peta Parka
Heard this one from my dad at the dinner table this evening.
But PETA keeps telling me it's a faux pas.
A hotdog. You get a god-damn hotdog.
Edit: No real dogs were harmed in the making of this joke. Except for maybe a hotdog.
Mom (addressing us kids): Y'know I once caught your grandfather letting the dog suckle on his nipple when she was a puppy... Once he saw me he put her down and acted like nothing happened.
Dad : So... He was a PETA-phile?
The moment was golden... Couldn't ask for better timing.
PETA.
My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:
L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O
B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.
L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.
B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!
L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.
B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...
L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.
B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.
L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.
B: Bull!
L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...
B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.
L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.
B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.
L: I know when I'm getting creamed.
B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.
L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.
B: And I just keep churning 'em out...
L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.
B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!
L: I thought I might've butchered it...
B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...
L: Well done, well done...
B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.
L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.
B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...
L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p
B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.
L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.
B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.
L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.
Danteβs in fur now.
