Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
π︎ 137
π
︎ May 06 2021
What does every Star Trek fan ask for from a mobile network?
π︎ 27
π
︎ May 11 2021
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, βWhatβs the word on the street?β
π︎ 34
π
︎ May 04 2021
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Why did the lion cross the road?
To get to the other pride
π︎ 40
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
Over heard a customer at my store say βOK weβre done letβs hit the roadβ
I butted in and said donβt do that itβll hurt.
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 04 2021
2 peanuts were walking down the road....
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 07 2021
Why does Jesus stay on the other side of the road?
Heβs afraid to get across
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 11 2021
Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to red hats?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 07 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To say βhelloβ from the other side.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 08 2021
Why did the disappointed chicken cross the road
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Why did the crab cross the road?
He wanted to go on another sidewalk.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Don't blame others for the road you're on
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
"The Road you've taken has been paved by your own decisions"
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the squirrel it can be done
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn π½ but he had no time for me.
βSorry, mister,β he said. βIβm up to my ears in work.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
The chicken hadn't evolved yet.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the side of the road ...
They charged her with littering!
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car. I bet you didnβt see that one coming!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
there was jelly on the road
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Son....dad where does this road go??
Dad...nowhere son, it stays right here.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, crossed a road, and walked into a bar.
π︎ 93
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
Me: reading the βNo Fencesβ sign next to the road
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
What cellphone network did Quagmire have?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Because dogs were chasing it.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I donβt know, but the road was fuming!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.
I have no idea when theyβre going to resurface.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
What's Thanos' favourite social network?
π︎ 103
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because the chickens weren't around
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...
He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.
I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
It didn't it got hit by a truck ..
Inspires by another terrific joke...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
π︎ 108
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
Why did the Hippie cross the road?
Cause he was on a road trip.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
TIL the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Feb 08 2020
Why did the lion cross the road?
Because there was a zebra crossing
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
Road to no wear.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
In scotland we name all our road gritters pun based names
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
A chicken and a duck are stood by a road
Chicken clucks to his friend "don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it!"
π︎ 36
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Why did the pelt thief cross the road?
To get to the otherβs hide.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Now that Iβm officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say βI bet he donβt have the guts to do that againβ
Edit: holy shit yβall this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
I finally got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
π︎ 309
π
︎ May 06 2021
A magic tractor drove down the road ...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.
But when i got home all the signs were there.
π︎ 99
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
why did the chicken cross the road
to get to the other side γ·οΈ
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Why didn't the otter cross the road?
He chickened out.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Otter side.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
I saw a guy drop all his Scrabble letters across the road.
I had to ask him, what's the word on the street.
π︎ 104
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
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