Passive–aggressive personality disorder Puns

I recently had a huge personal bluescreen of death happen to my brain because I suddenly realized that there are people out there who grew up without having parents/family that made their life a miserable hell.

I know that many people will post saying that every parent/family member has a flaw and I know that it is not realistic to imagine a perfect family, but what I want to get out of this is knowing how non-mentally ill people behave and hopefully learn from that.

I grew up with a dad who had severe borderline personality disorder. Every day I lived with him filled me with dread because one minute he would look happy and content to suddenly being extremely violent and hostile with nearly zero provocation. Every day I lived with him, he would try to use fear, guilt, or just plain emotional instability to get whatever he wanted out of me.

I grew up pretty messed up because of him, and to this day as an adult it still shows.

I feel like this probably belongs in nostupidquestions because I bet all I have to do is just negate every problem I have and that's what it's like to grow up without mentally ill parents. I bet that having normal parents means growing up with healthy boundaries and having a solid frame in dealing with opposition or people mistreating you. I bet that not having a fucked up dad or mom that used you as their punching bag for their emotional problems means not having a huge backlog of emotional problems yourself that they passed on to you.

Sorry I feel like I should probably just delete this entire post because there's not even a point to asking it.

I have a diagnosed Passive–Aggressive Personality Disorder - PAPD and my life became a nightmare because of it.I was having problems with focusing on work and in my relationship, that ended because I wasn't able to focus on important stuff in life.I made bad decisions and never wanted to listen what my girlfriend was telling me.I got angry and verbally abusive thinking that only me is right. I couldn't focused at work either. Finally after I reached the bottom I decided to go to psychiatrist and ended up in the ward of Psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with Passive–Aggressive Personality Disorder PAPD. I'm trying to work hard in the therapy but I still have a long way to go :( I'd do everything to be back together with the girl that I fell in love with, we're having son together but she thinks that I'm just a jerk and can't do anything right and she doesn't understand and don't want to hear that I'm having problems because of this disorder.She says that I'm not mentally ill and I'm capable of thinking but just don't give a f... and I'm hiding in the Hospital (being on holiday) - I wish there's sth I can do to make her change her mindset. It really hurts me to hear that I'm perfectly fine and not mentally ill and I did what I did because I'm just a jerk ;( I love our son and wanna do everything to be healthy enough to be a good dad, role model and partner in life to my ex girlfriend. I don't know what to do anymore but it's really hurtful :(

I've come across the description earlier today... and have spent hours reading up about it. He's got all the symptoms - and guess what: witholding sex is one of them.

There are many reasons for a dead bedroom to exist, but this one seems to be mine. He'll fuck me when he feels like it... and reject me when i initiate. And it's not because he's got low libido or stress or he's depressed. I feel like I've been struck by lightning. On one hand so much is clearer, it finally makes sense. On the other... it's a very final thing. They don't change. Fuck.

edit: further clarification below. i wasn't attempting to diagnose him - i'm just trying to make sense of his behaviour because a lot of the time i feel like i'm going crazy.

He seems to repress a lot of anger... He's always screaming and stuff, but never seems to express what he feels. I think he rather avoid confrontation by anyway possible. To be honest, he seems like an honest chef, extremely polite and educated, but seems to hold back a lot. What do you guys think?

curious how related the two things are, or aren't.

Root of "Passive Aggressive Behavior", oddly enough, was anti-militant authority.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior was first defined clinically by Colonel William Menninger during World War II in the context of men's reaction to military compliance. Menninger described soldiers who were not openly defiant but expressed their civil disobedience (what he called "aggressiveness") "by passive measures, such as pouting, stubbornness, procrastination, inefficiency, and passive obstructionism" due to what Menninger saw as an "immaturity" and a reaction to "routine military stress".

In other words, the US military couldn't deal with soldiers who staged "civil disobedience", and so they called it a Mental disorder and locked up the resisters in mental institutions.

Perhaps Pas-Agg is a possible behavior issue, for those who do so in coping, without much intention or control.

But Pas-Agg is a STRATEGY, when it is done consciously with planning, such as "civil disobedience", or better known as "Asymmetric Warfare".

Asians have been doing this for centuries. Chinese more so, as the Chinese in history repeatedly rose up in rebellion and resistance against outside invaders who conquered China with military might.

Obviously, Chinese farmers confronting the Mongol Horde directly was suicide, so what did the Chinese do?

Guerilla raids.

The Chinese ship builders even sabotaged Mongol's invasion fleet, so that the Mongol lost huge numbers of troops during its invasion of Japan.

And then, the Chinese set about educating and sinicizing the Mongols.

This enabled the Chinese to survive countless invasions from more militant foes, each time converting the Invaders, while the Europeans were conquered and converted again and again.

If history is any indication, the West never learned to deal with Pas-Agg strategy. China has mastered it.

This is why Modern PRC policies are not "avoiding" confrontations, but rather adopting Pas-Agg strategies.

(1) when Japan /US put up ADIZ next to China, China build up its military and put up its own ADIZ.

(2) when West criticize China on Human rights, China strategically stop some trade.

(3) When US chides China/WHO on Covid-19, China donates more to WHO.

Currently at work, I am dealing with someone who is a bit passive aggressive towards me and some others. This has made me curious about something and I have 3 questions for narcissists and people with narcissistic traits.

1. How do you personally react when someone gives you passive aggressive treatment?
2. How does it make you feel?
3. What do you start thinking about that person as a whole?

For me I just ignore them and try not to react except laugh and joke with them, I feel annoyed but wont show it, and I start seeing them as inferior to me and like they are mentally children.

Since I started working here I've noticed my boss is not a people person. We have around 30 employees and I'd say only 8 of us actually do anything. My pay is fantastic and since I started working here 9 months ago I've done anything and everything the boss needed me to do. He's recently assigned me to a new position (which I'm still under my old title as a Master Tradesman) and now he makes underhanded comments like "well you can go look it up or go smoke like the rest of the shop" or while I was sitting down after recently finishing an assigned task "well Fendo79 looks like you're fitting in quite well with everyone" which I know means he thinks I'm being lazy.

I'm a retired Navy vet and pride myself on my work ethic and ability to follow instructions. But I've never dealt with an ass hat like this. Leaving my job isn't an option as I live in Japan and jobs for American workers are quite limited right now. I guess I just wanted to vent and see what you folks thought or would do. Thank you for your attention.

IMO, it is actually a winning life strategy.

Although others may complain about, and even claim to dislike, people who behave in a passive aggressive manner, the p-a individual does get his or her way most of the time.

I also notice that this 'flaw' tends to attract other people in social situations.

Even a frenemy is better than having no friends,I think.

It seems to me that this so-called personality flaw is actually a personality benefit and is really only a negative for others.

Just feels like a run experiment to do as a group here. Feel free to give reasons based on playstyle and remember that people may play the same character totally differently!

They’re called Nosotrosferatu.

Because I started to do LX with my nmom instead of tell her how I feel.

She once asked if I was hoping if my mom could “read my mind.” Like?? What? No I’m just afraid of being gaslighted and beat into an emotional pulp by speaking about my feelings.

Therapist once suggested I write “victim impact” letter to give to my family. I almost choked on my water. My family would have a hay day with that. Why on earth would I pour my heart out just to be treated like a difficult idiot and be ridiculed.

I did in fact end up telling my (now ex) mom how I feel, when the timing was right.

Don’t know if I should see a new therapist or not.

I have shared a dual key office with a lady from another company, S, since last July.

She seemed really nice at first, offering help whenever I needed it. We got close because we were the only people in the office most of the time. Our colleagues drop by once in a while, but usually it's just us.

As we have gotten friendlier, she started to share her thoughts and feelings about certain things which raised a lot of red flags in me.

In the months knowing her, she has said: she wants to have an affair (she's married with two kids), she wants to die from COVID, she wished her parents were dead, nobody cares about her (she feels she is the only one who cares enough for everyone, which is definitely not true...more on that later), that minorities don't deserve to drive good cars (wtf), that men who were sole breadwinners have every right to slap their wives (double wtf).

I have tried to call her out and reason out with her every time she says these things, but I think at some point my patience wore thin. She would come into my office and complain for up to 2 hours, during which I had to sit there and listen to her.

I told her that she focussed too much on the negatives, that people actually do nice things for her. I always bought her food when I was getting myself some. Once, when I knew she was very stressed and wasn't eating, I made her a roast chicken sandwich, put together a care pack with a drink and some fruit. The first thing she said to me when I gave it to her was "I don't like these things.". But she ate it anyway. I was quite hurt, but I just let it go and told myself never to make her anything again.

I have also helped her proofread her emails, compose WhatsApp messages when she needed it. So when she said that nobody was nice to her ever, I wanted to flip the table.

She has also mentioned that she doesn't have friends, that she's jealous whenever my friends dropped by to hang out (I run my own business, so as long as we complied with COVID rules, my friends could come). She had a friend whom she'd cut out because the friend told her some harsh truths she couldn't take.

I guess I just got very sick of her whining. She came in to vent sometime in late August, that was when she talked about how men could slap women if they were the head of the household. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At some point she said, "You must think that I'm very negative," to which I replied "Yes, I think so,", because I couldn't listen to these things an

Just pointed here from r/parenting

...

For context, it was sons birthday recently he turned 3. The week of his birthday has been tantrum central! So much excited and energy but weve still had fun and bonding time. On his birthday, he napped for 1st time in a month due to the excitement of daddy and son time he had.

After he woke he, well was groggy since he doesn't nap. Cue a video call from my in laws. My son doesn't want the attention and hides behind the sofa. We let him as this isnt a fight worth having.

We'll, clearly this pissed off grandma. She visited 2 days later , my son excitedly bought them some balloons we kept from his party to be greeted with 'oh so you're talking to me now?' he was visibly confused. I told, that was days ago, he won't remember, she then rebukes with well that's not the point is it? To which I reconfirmed he won't remember that phonecall clearly. Anyway I drop it and move on, but I don't think my son did, grandma is now in his bad books, she's not allowed to play with the toys or the play dough. He also getting hungry has it's nearly lunchtime, a deadly combo. I gave him lunch, but it's too hot and now we're in meltdown. Talking him out is floundering, grandma now starts trying to lay the law, and tears ensue so I hug him. I know he needs food, this won't stop until he eats, but her domineering presence is making me falter. She starts blabbering on not letting him win and he's half winning right now by not eating his lunch and he's getting more and more hangry and I'm getting frustrated myself.

I eventually get a light bulb moment, and suggest to read his new favourite book Ravis Roar (great series of books btw, big bright feelings) we read it twice and talk about the emotions for the characters in the book with grandad (he loves his grandad)

And then, once he's calm and not clinging to me, got him some toast, goodness what a turn around! He laughing again, playing with grandad until they leave, but grandma is still in his bad book even if he 'kinda' made peace with her in the end.

Now for the crux of the problem, grandma likes obedient children, when I told my husband what happened he was visibly upset. This struck too close to home to him and he talked about his childhood and how his mum made him feel inferior growing up. I myself was a strong willed child and my own mother tried and succeeded in places to crush it so I can be non confrontational when around 'authority'' figures, particularly women.

My instinct t