We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Got anxiety and you've run out of things to Fu Man-chew?
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadPunsAreBadPuns
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter invented a writing instrument that never runs out of ink, never smudges and cures any other difficulties associated with writing...

It's a regular penacea!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A doctor told a patient that his body has run out of magnesium.

0mg

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh_j
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I've run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead

The times are rough

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I run out of toilet paper...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you run out of ice?
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smikoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do con artists never run out of lollipops?

Because there's a sucker born every minute.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave7243
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out Trump is being run by Russia...

Should have noticed the red flags earlier.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_clown
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The world has run out of 9s...

...because seven ate nine (789).

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did everyone run out of Burger King?

Because someone dropped a Whopper

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greeknicko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s so magical when you run out of fruit.

The possibilities are lemonless!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Run out of toilet paper and having to use lettuce leaves

I'm really annoyed. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If we run out of toilet paper due to this crisis.

Using newspaper, might be the new headline.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tryingsomthingnew
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
When you run out of Ritz...
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingtiger79
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the breath freshener turn red and run out of the room?

It had a large amount of embarrass-mint.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airsabe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you run out of toilet paper, try Netflix.

You can download TP on paper view.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Henri_Dupont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If your iPhone runs out of charge...

Does that mean you are out of apple juice?

πŸ‘︎ 933
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingDemon23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Indian restaurant that didn't run out of bread?

It was a naan issue

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mon0theist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...

That's pretty whiskey business.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: (Smiling while filling out paperwork at the DMV) Son: Dad, why are you smiling? The DMV sucks! Dad: Let's just say your mom probably won't let me run errands anymore...
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hey_mcfly27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Once manure companies run out of stock,

They'll just stop giving a crap.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If being out of shape was a crime, a productive punishment would be to run on a treadmill.

It would be a run-on sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DudleyDoesMath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
When they run out of ingredients at the Mt. Dew factory they have to make Dew with what they've got.
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldschooldads
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
When you run out of spices
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alta270
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If Spiderman suddenly runs out of web when he's chasing bad guys, what is he called?

Peter Parkour

πŸ‘︎ 392
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UserNumber63
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
While he was out, my husband text me 'I think I'll run through the car wash on my way home.'

I replied: 'Probably better to drive the car through.'

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkifly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My colleague just took a new job at a waste management company and I’ve completely run out of pun jokes.

Guess I’ll have to recycle them.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/casimir1978
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a bodybuilder say when he runs out of protein?

No whey!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistah-S
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My butcher told me about his contingency plan if he runs out of sausage skins

It's his Wurst Casing Scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloedbibel
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do when your dad runs out of dad jokes?

Go ask you mom

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/junglebunni
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I'll never run out of dad jokes
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wc452
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
🚨︎ report
When Trump closes the border, if the US runs out of avocados, is that just one big guac block?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nolegrad15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was out for a run and said she had to take an emergency poop in the woods. I want to believe her...

But I think it's a load of crap.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingnebwsu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
You ever run out of tuits?

I'm always running out of tuits and having to go around to get more. Eventually I am able to get a round to it though

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmLoin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out.

Or worse yet, get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend and I often have pun wars. One of us runs up to the other and says a word that we have to make puns about until somebody runs out of ideas.

I wasn’t feeling quite like myself one day, so when she ran to me and shouted, β€œAluminum!” I responded, β€œCan it! My plans have been foiled and I’m not in the mood to scrap.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MariahYM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I always run out of data during hayfever season.

My eyes are constantly streaming.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the father melon say to his son melon when he found out he was going to run away and get married

You cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium!

Patient: Omg!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dufffer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do retirement homes never run out of hot water?

Because they’re full of geysers

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBanisherOfRegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium.

Me: 0MG

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/picard47at
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever run out of water in the mountains?

Well urine luck

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Getting run over really takes the energy out of me.

It makes me tired

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Run out of pun

I thought about posting another fish pun today.... But I'm trying to scale back. If you've got any let Minnow

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GanZheng
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report

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