A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘
It's a regular penacea!
0mg
The times are rough
Because there's a sucker born every minute.
Should have noticed the red flags earlier.
Itβs a vicious cycle.
...because seven ate nine (789).
Because someone dropped a Whopper
The possibilities are lemonless!
I'm really annoyed. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!
Using newspaper, might be the new headline.
It had a large amount of embarrass-mint.
You can download TP on paper view.
Does that mean you are out of apple juice?
It was a naan issue
That's pretty whiskey business.
They'll just stop giving a crap.
It would be a run-on sentence.
Peter Parkour
I replied: 'Probably better to drive the car through.'
Guess Iβll have to recycle them.
No whey!
It's his Wurst Casing Scenario.
Go ask you mom
But I think it's a load of crap.
I'm always running out of tuits and having to go around to get more. Eventually I am able to get a round to it though
Or worse yet, get kilt.
I wasnβt feeling quite like myself one day, so when she ran to me and shouted, βAluminum!β I responded, βCan it! My plans have been foiled and Iβm not in the mood to scrap.β
My eyes are constantly streaming.
You cantaloupe
Patient: Omg!
Because theyβre full of geysers
Me: 0MG
Well urine luck
It makes me tired
I thought about posting another fish pun today.... But I'm trying to scale back. If you've got any let Minnow
