If good;
The good news is there is no bad news.
If bad;
The bad news is there is no good news.
Thought I'd treat myself.
The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”
Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”
Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”
Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”
She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
They all startled "what happened?" I reply "it's Sharp!"
They murmured something and left the room...
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
It wasn’t bad for a constellation prize.
"Stairs don't talk!"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
Our son was trapped in the spider-verse.
But now it’s growing on me.
They're fairyfocals.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
He said, “You’re telling me a flea runs this market?!”
...because all I can see is work, work, work, work, work...
UK?
But it has grown on me.
'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.
These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.
It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.
Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos
Follow us too @thepunpodcast
It's because he disliked capitalism.
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."
The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.
"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."
The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.
"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"
The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."
Oh shit, wrong sub!
Stupid Subway
"The Noob on the Boob!"
It's been enlightening
I'm beside myself at the results.
I was with my wife in the hospital after the birth of my first child.
Wife: It's crazy how she knows to suck on my boobies for food.
Me: Of course she knows. She wasn't born yesterday!
She shook her head and stopped talking to me. I have succeeded.
Took me about a week but I just finished the last pint of ice cream.
It was just a pigment of my imagination.
New Years Adam.
"Honey I'm pregnant!"
"Hello pregnant," he whispers softly, tears of joy running down his face. "I'm Dad."
But its growing on me.
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
“Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
“Son I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”
The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.
“Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”
The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.
“Hey there,” says the recruit. “is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”
The crewman says “Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”
It was dead.
But then it grew on me
...but then it grew on me.
I'm beside myself at the results.
But they really grew on me in time
