I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
I was arrested yesterday after neighbours complained about me playing Englebert Humperdink records all night
Police released me, let me go!
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He’s a catholic converter.
My neighbour died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully didn’t suffer.
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"
The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"
My dad asked me, “Do you know why our neighbour’s house burned down?”
Me: Fireworks?
Dad: Yeah. Sadly it does.
My neighbours complained about me groaning and moaning too loudly while having sex in the morning.
If only they knew, I was just trying to put my socks on.
My neighbour is a key worker.
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.
He lives just a stone throw away.
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
My gf complained about our loud neighbours
Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out
Gf: what kind of logic is that?
Me: Sound logic
I was trying to reshape the border of my back yard when my neighbours fence fell over...
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
My neighbour banged on my door at 3am, screaming and shouting hysterically, the poor fella..
Luckily, I was up practicing my drums at the time..
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.
Personally,I’m on the fence.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
My dog got castrated and he suddenly stopped barking at the neighbours's dog.
I think he just doesn't have the balls to do it anymore.
Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..
Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",
" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?
Because he was in Reichweite
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, “Repent! The End is nigh!”
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
I asked my Indian neighbour if I could borrow some bread...
I told my wife that our neighbour had died. ‘Who, Ray?’ she said.
I didn’t think her cheering was appropriate.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
So i stole my neighbours solar panel
After a bit of arguing and me joking around
And he said I think you're making light of the situation
My neighbour with big boobs was gardening topless in their yard again...
I just wish his wife would come out with him
I accidentally broke my neighbour’s fence, so I apologized and got it fixed.
I said, “Sorry about the repost.”
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.
We have....a lot in common.
My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.
I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone I’ve ever known.
Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.
The neighbour's sheep failed to break into the grain shed.
There was no battering ram.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
The neighbour's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbours have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
My bloody neighbour was knocking on my door at 2am !!
Luckily I was still up playing my drums.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos
When will they stop stereotyping
My neighbour writes poems.
He said to me "what rhymes with orange?"
I said "No it doesn't",
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
My next door neighbour told me that every morning when he measures his allotment, it is a couple of inches smaller than the day before.
I think he is slowly losing the plot...
Neighbours outside just had a reveal party. From all the hooting and hollering after the balloon pop...
I can report that they are having an owl
When we moved into my new house, our next door neighbour presented us with a bunch of logs for our fireplace.
It was ...a house warming gift.
My neighbour put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow in his field, and it is terrifying my kids.
They must be claw straw phobic.
My leprechaun neighbour asked me to babysit his son
My neighbours kid has been learning Spanish during lockdown.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.
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