I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.

I think she's going to take me up on it.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I was arrested yesterday after neighbours complained about me playing Englebert Humperdink records all night

Police released me, let me go!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.

He’s a catholic converter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbour died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully didn’t suffer.

It was instant.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"

The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me, β€œDo you know why our neighbour’s house burned down?”

Me: Fireworks?

Dad: Yeah. Sadly it does.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbours complained about me groaning and moaning too loudly while having sex in the morning.

If only they knew, I was just trying to put my socks on.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbour is a key worker.

He picks locks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.

He lives just a stone throw away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away

Because it was a kidnap

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmosArdnach_6152
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My gf complained about our loud neighbours

Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out

Gf: what kind of logic is that?

Me: Sound logic

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sanscipher435
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was trying to reshape the border of my back yard when my neighbours fence fell over...

Wrong post

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKiwiBlitz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me

The guy is a real snow it all.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour asked me β€œHey, how much wood did you chop today?”

I said, β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 196
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour banged on my door at 3am, screaming and shouting hysterically, the poor fella..

Luckily, I was up practicing my drums at the time..

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontmeenafing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.

Personally,I’m on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper

To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahamsoomro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog got castrated and he suddenly stopped barking at the neighbours's dog.

I think he just doesn't have the balls to do it anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonMastr166
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..

Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",

" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontmeenafing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?

Because he was in Reichweite

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aremathick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œRepent! The End is nigh!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my Indian neighbour if I could borrow some bread...

He said he had naan.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaredwaywell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that our neighbour had died. β€˜Who, Ray?’ she said.

I didn’t think her cheering was appropriate.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liamjculshaw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/updatedprocess
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mullins18i
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Our neighbour died!
πŸ‘︎ 187
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamergod4now
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
So i stole my neighbours solar panel

After a bit of arguing and me joking around

And he said I think you're making light of the situation

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikedosefish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour with big boobs was gardening topless in their yard again...

I just wish his wife would come out with him

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally broke my neighbour’s fence, so I apologized and got it fixed.

I said, β€œSorry about the repost.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.

We have....a lot in common.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.

I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone I’ve ever known.

Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The neighbour's sheep failed to break into the grain shed.

There was no battering ram.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xXSparklePonyXx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yarnell3131
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The neighbour's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.

But that didn't solve anything.

Now the neighbours have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My bloody neighbour was knocking on my door at 2am !!

Luckily I was still up playing my drums.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Obrigado2020
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos

When will they stop stereotyping

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hmmmmmmble_trauma
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour writes poems.

He said to me "what rhymes with orange?" I said "No it doesn't",

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/listerjed1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.

He's a comma dating.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My next door neighbour told me that every morning when he measures his allotment, it is a couple of inches smaller than the day before.

I think he is slowly losing the plot...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Neighbours outside just had a reveal party. From all the hooting and hollering after the balloon pop...

I can report that they are having an owl

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When we moved into my new house, our next door neighbour presented us with a bunch of logs for our fireplace.

It was ...a house warming gift.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow in his field, and it is terrifying my kids.

They must be claw straw phobic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My leprechaun neighbour asked me to babysit his son

He sure is a handful

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbours kid has been learning Spanish during lockdown.

He still can’t say β€œplease” though, which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roofy45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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