Mother's Day Puns

“thank you for your cervix.”

I said “thanks for having me.”

9 months after Father’s Day......

I asked my husband if he knew any Italian words, He told me "My wife is bellissimo"

I told him, "That's beautiful"

Happy mother's day!

So I made her angry

on Sonday.

Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

I hope they meat her expectations

‘Cos she’s worth it.

Dad : Don’t forget it’s son day too.

I made several good points.

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

But Son day happens once every week

... but every week there's a sunday.

So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.

So far I got:

You're ex-cell-ent mom!

I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!

Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)

^((But they're kind of trash))

Ideas from others:

Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15

What a bitch.

Because she's a sweet lady with a great sense of humour.

Labor Day.

So I hear my niece running around in our house and also a dog running around with her and was immediately confused wondering why she and a dog were just running up and down the hallway. Then I went to see what was happening and she was playing fetch with the dog. So I asked my mom, "then why was she running? Is she simply so stupid that she throws a thing and tries to fetch it herself because for a second there she forgot whether she was the dog or the person?" To which my mom replied, "it wouldn't be farfetched. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) " ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

stay-up mother.

Why do you beehive like this?

We had ordered mussels and were destroying them. We couldn't stop talking about how great they were.

Dad: "god damn I've had some good mussels in my life but these are amazing. I've got to remember to come here again."

Me: "Make sure to eat as many as you can."

Dad: "Why's that?"

Me, giggling: "Mussel memory."

groans from everyone

I got sent a bunch of flowers with all the heads cut off. I phoned the police and they said its sounds like i was being stalked.

I'd like to share a poem that my own dad wrote for his mom once upon a time:

M is for the many things she gave me.

O is for the other things she gave me.

T is for the things she gave me.

H is for her things she gave me.

E is for everything she gave me.

R is for the rest of the things she gave me.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers!

I said something to tease my mom a bit and she goes:

"I'm going to put you back in my womb"

My response: "I don't think there's enough womb".

https://imgur.com/a/BoHVUWe

Why's it on Son Day?

Bf's dad: Did you know that every can of beans only has two hundred and thirty nine beans?

Me: Oh really?

Bf's dad: Yeah, if there were one more they'd be too farty.

...Didn't even see that one comin'.

It's son-day as well

https://imgur.com/a/kFtji

I was at the diner with my family on Mom's day. My step brother looks around the packed dining room and says, "Damn it's crowded in here!" to which I reply "Yeah, everyone and their mother is here today."

Context to the story: My mom is getting some work done in her backyard. Trees are being removed and they are digging to put an in ground pool in.

Story: Mom and I are driving back from an outing for Mother's Day. We are talking about the back yard and the work getting done.

Mom: When the pool gets put in I'll be dirt poor.

Me: But right now you're dirt rich!

Mom:look of disappointment

I'm making Mothers day cards for my mother deli co-workers. I kind of have have an idea for one of them (http://imgur.com/3FKyto0) I want to play on deli themes.

Prima Della is one of the brands we use, others are Hormel, Charlie's Pride, Sara Lee, and Jenny O. In the deli we have a deep frier and hot case, meat/cheese slicers and make sandwiches/salads.

Any fun plays on words for any of those that would make a fun PG-PG13 card? Nothing too vulgar, I work with these ladies

We were having cake to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mom. My Dad decides to ask us:

"Mom's pretty great. You know what she'd be called if she were president?"

"No."

"BABEraham Lincoln."

I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”

http://imgur.com/Lphk8Ai