I almost qualified for the national curling team

But I slid out of contention.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know, the national arcade game of Mexico is...

Gu-whack-a-mole

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rekt555
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?

Commander in Chiefs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The funniest guy on the football team

The punter..

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Free-Author
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If Pretoria had a football team
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zrussell197
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?

It was a ball hogger.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.

They called me Soccertes.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do soccer referees never fold in poker?

Because they always call the flop.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sabrina-Hummus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?

The idea had its pros and cons.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?

Get all of their ducks in a row.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistah_Kay615
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts

They have a lot of spirit

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonotoneYay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a really good fantasy football team.

Then, My Luck ran out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigger3370
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the football team go to the bank?

To get their quarter back.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SensitiveStranger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?

AC Milan

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to join a football team. They said they had to test a single body part if it was ticklish

It was the testicle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extra_Rias
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a Movers favorite football team?

The Packers!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunPieSunPie
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about Oklahoma’s football team?

They’re just OK

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaseo2017
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Notre Dame is adding a new position to its football team?

Hunchback.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymouspimp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
The Tetley Tea Folk are forming a football team

Rumour has it they'll be great in the cup.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Also USA=World
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zero_KNR
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?

He heard they needed a little team spirit.

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmcbacon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2013
🚨︎ report
My fantasy football team always wins...

Why would anyone fantasize a losing team?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mazzack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My relationship with the former US Women's National Soccer Team goalkeeper is coming to an end

I'm starting to lose Hope. I haven't felt Solo for a long time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wigglesface
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The manager of the Native American football team is in fear of being sacked.

It seems they have had Apache start to the season.

EDIT: Lack of context. UK here who knows nothing of 'handegg' (Sorry!) Replace 'football' with 'soccer'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evadage
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
🚨︎ report
While watching football, the announcer mentioned the team averaged 6-1/2 sacks a game. My wife says "How do you get half a sack?"...

... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeatherDan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
🚨︎ report
While talking about which football teams we support...

Younger bro: I probably won't support Chelsea as my London team anymore...

Older bro: I would support Brentside as your London team

Dad: Do you know who I support in London?

Brothers: Who?

Dad: a wife and three kids :D

My mum groaned but we (brothers and I) appreciated it...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tessie999
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dad's favorite college football team.

Asked my Dad what his favorite college football team is besides his alma mater and my university.

Dad: "Georgia Tech of course." Me: "Why?" Dad: "They're the only football team named after an article of clothing..."

-_-

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheClassyRifleman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
🚨︎ report
Picking Team Names for Fantasy Football...

Mom was really struggling to come up with a team name, she's not super into football, and when she asked for suggestions, my dad immediately blurted "How about 'Mom Brady'?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jt_hans
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad dropped this one while watching the Ball St. University football team playing.

"Man, I bet when the refs make a bad call their fans get reeeeeal testy!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bromosapien234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Daughter: I have to do a report on sinkholes. Me: Oh, well do you know the best kind of sinkhole?

Sinkhole de Mayo

πŸ‘︎ 860
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danbertgilbs
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
🚨︎ report
I told my son I believe everyone goes to heaven until the resurrection of the saints

He said, "Why just the saints? There's like 31 other football teams."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horton780
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
This is a joke from my dad today...

So we were at my football game discussing what positions everyone was playing. This is how the conversation went.

Dad: okay so who's playing in de gate?

The team: confused what do you mean, where is de gate?

Dad: oh, its next to defence.

πŸ‘︎ 285
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baino39
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Who is the funniest football player on the team?

The punter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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