What did the pregnant mare say when she gave birth upon being dealt a royal flush?

"I foaled."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Can we please rename wet dreams to Nut-mares?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dgdgdgdgcooh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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Quite a Knight-mare
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samuel153
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Wee fish, ewe, a mare, egrets, moose, wee fish, ewe, a mare, egrets, moose, wee fish, ewe, a mare, egrets, moose...

... and a hippo gnu year.

First saw that one in 1984 and it burned itself into my memory. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matti_Matti_Matti
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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What did the mare say to the horse?

I want a stable relationship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantumfanatic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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A man goes into a pet store to buy a puppy to keep his horses company in their stable.

"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."

The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Wife: I had nightmares all night. Me: Well it’s not night anymore...

So that means you can only have mares nowβ€”and we don’t have enough room to keep a horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leehawkins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I had a terrible dream where I was being chased by a female horse after sunset.

It was a night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What do you call a nocturnal horse?

A night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Neigh, a pun for fun, for everyone!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/White0101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Did you know that a pregnant horse can run twice as fast?

It has 2 horsepower

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vagabondsadhu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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I saw a female horse in my dream

It was a nightMARE

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Why did Mr Ed’s girlfriend only come out at dark?

She was a night mare 🐴

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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What do you call a medieval horse in the army

A knight-mare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/araarq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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A car cruising down a rural country suddenly backfires.

As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy β€œHello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says β€œDon’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. β€œThank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying β€œI’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foyeldagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run?

A mare-athon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAmpersand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Breath of the Wild has just come out, and we need names for our horses. Tell me your best punny horse names!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CourageKitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
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What would you name a book that's about a horse's dreams in the middle ages?

The Nightmares of a Knight's Mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vernal59
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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I just woke up from a dream where I was being terrorized by a feral female horse every evening

It was a real recurring night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Never ride your horse in the dark.

It's a night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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Did you hear about the horse politician?

She ran for mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/many_pumpkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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What public office did the stallion run for?

Mare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rogerspotatobread
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
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I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.

I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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I had a scary dream where a horse was chasing me at midnight.

It was a night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumPoptart
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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Why did the horse buy a ring

He was getting mare-ied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asapmip
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Why did the horse city council never get anything done?

They always voted neigh (even the mare)!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paulinkenbrandt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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If I had male donkeys and female horses...

I'd breed them together and use their children around this time of year to spread some mule-tide cheer.

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CronoZero15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
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Why did the pony have to cancel her concert?

She was a little hoarse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadAndNationwide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2016
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Which horse runs this city?

The mare of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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What is the scariest type of horse?

a night mare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gartictus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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My Daughters Have Tom Clancy Themed Rap Names

I have two daughters, Claire (5) and Maren (1.5). When they were born, one of my first duties as dad was to give them rap names. After much brainstorming and deliberation I chose Claire and Present Danger and then to keep with theme, Mare Force One.

Could I have done better?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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What do you call a woman who looks like a horse?

Mare-y.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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The Tale of Hobbin & Noggin

One day a farmer's mare birthed two foals. One was named Hobbin, and the other Noggin. The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. One day the farmer noticed the two racing each other around the pasture and thought to himself, "Wow! These horses are quick!" So the next day he entered them into a local derby. As the race was about to start, the horses were rearing and snorting to get let out of the gate. As soon as the gates swung open, both horses immediately bolted to the front of the race as the announcer was going wild, "It's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, and Hobbin wins by a nose!" Excited by the win, the farmer then enters them into the Kentucky Derby. Once again, as soon as the gates open, both horses fly to the front of the race and it's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. This continues in every race until Hobbin has won the Triple Crown. By this point the farmer is beginning to realize just how fast these horses are, so he decides to enter them into a NASCAR race and again, it's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. This pattern continues until Hobbin wins the Sprint Cup. Still believing that he can push these horses further, he enters them both into an F1 Grand Prix. Unbelievably, against some of most well-engineered machines on Earth, as soon as the race started it was Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. Hobbin won so often that he was named the World Drivers' Champion. After that the farmer decided that the horses had done it, they'd won the most prestigious races in the world; they had earned their retirement. Five years later, as the two horses were grazing in their pasture, Noggin walked up to Hobbin and said, "Hey, you know, you won all of those races we were in. Do you think that we could race around the pasture, and you could just let me win one race?" "Okay, I'll do that for you" Hobbin replied. So, just like the olden days, the two horses were off, and ever the same, it was Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, and again, Hobbin beats Noggin by a nose. The old farm dog, watching from the farmhouse's front porch, walks over and asks Hobbin, "Hey, why'd you do that? You said you'd let him win, the race was just for fun; it meant nothing." To which Hobbin responded, "WOW. Would you look at that? A t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umkazto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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What do you call a nocturnal horse?

A night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_hardeeharhar_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.

It was a knight mare.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EGOfoodie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeliusJones
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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