I had a terrible dream where I was being chased by a female horse after sunset.

It was a night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I learned pregnant horses are faster than other female horses

They have double the horsepower

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stoutlikethebeer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I saw a female horse in my dream

It was a nightMARE

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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My friend does the perfect imitation of the offspring of a male donkey and a female horse.

It's a perfect em-mule-ation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run?

A mare-athon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAmpersand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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I just woke up from a dream where I was being terrorized by a feral female horse every evening

It was a real recurring night mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.

I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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Cowboy tames wild female horses with very, very long speeches.

A filly-buster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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If I had male donkeys and female horses...

I'd breed them together and use their children around this time of year to spread some mule-tide cheer.

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CronoZero15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
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Scary Horses

Sir Longbottom of Yorkshire, England has 20 horses in his stable. 9 are males and 11 are females. Why are them 11 females scary?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swirling_stardust
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Belly Jons." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Regarding the Duggar family with a million kids...

Me: They may as well be puritans. Female Coworker: Aren't they Quakers? Aren't Quakers the horse people? Dad Coworker: No, they're the oats people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oh_hey_jc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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