...he's just hanging there, chillin' man.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
Now I know why they call me a ladies' man.
Bruised Wayne
So I looked under the hood and saw a bat sitting in the engine bay.
He told me ‘Hello Sir, you’re a very handsome man and so smartly dressed, too’
Then I saw the problem,
Bat Flattery.
I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.
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Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just “lending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?
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Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?
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Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was “hit by pitch”?
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Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?
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Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!
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If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?
I told him "Man, this is like something out of the 1930's gangster era!"
He said "No no no, it's nothing like that. Back then, they used wooden baseball bats."
At least he has a sense of humour about it.
