George nodded, “Exactly, and like I said, your anatomy is well…” His eyes swept up and down !^!^’s form and she got the distinct feeling she should be concerned by the way he was looking at her. “…Very attractive to a male of my species. Some have different tastes, but you suit mine…incredibly well. So, especially now that you’ve got my brain firing that way, please explain your species’ anatomy, and I’ll explain mine and hopefully we can get my mind off how incredibly beautiful you are.”
!^!^ blushed cobalt again, “Um…what, what do you want to know?”
“Cardio pulmonary organ if you have one, respiratory functions, central processing facilities, generally important chemicals, sensory organs and the methods of your digestive system seem like some good basics,” George replied after a moment of contemplation, “Would you like me to go first?”
!^!^ nodded with a small smile, “If you wouldn’t mind.”
George pointed to his head, “My body’s central processing unit, my brain, is encased in my skull, a nice tough shell of bone. There are soft spots here, here, and here,” he pointed to his eyes, ears, and the bottom of his jaw, “In the event you ever have to fight a human, these are good spots to aim for if you have a bladed weapon, they’re also our major sensory organs, so it’s rather crippling to lose one, but don’t bank on it finishing them immediately. It should, but there are infamous stories of those among my kind sustaining massive brain damage and surviving for decades.”
!^!^ blinked in shock, “Your brain. The bit that tells your body to keep functioning. Your people can have that damaged severely and keep functioning?”
George shrugged, “Well I mean if ya splatter it all over the wall like an egg then no, but there was at least one guy, I think his name was Phineas Gage or something, had a metal rod blow clean through his jaw and get lodged in his brain. He walked himself to the hospital to have it removed and then lived for at least a couple of years after that.”
!^!^ shuddered slightly at the thought of it, Are these things immortal?!
George nodded, “I’m pretty sure an injury like that would kill most humans, but nothing’s ever a guarantee. There’s also my spine, another pretty important bit,” he turned and gestured to his back, “If you run your hand down the middle of my back there, you’ll feel a little ridge of bone,
... keep reading on reddit ➡Alrighty, this should be a fun one to read, you get to meet a few new Species that you haven't gotten to see close up yet. And with that said, time for another tidbit of lore to keep yall interested. Today I will tell you about Glimmer Drorns, a Glimmer Drorn is a type of creature that is mostly gaseous with a thin membrane that gives them a roughly spherical shape, they float around and absorb sunlight and interstellar gas to survive. Almost butterfly-like behavior, they generally range in size from 15 to 120 meters and are commonly found in Interstellar gas clouds like nebula or proto stars. While their membrane is slightly iridescent, they are mostly transparent, being filled with ionized gas and smaller bubble-like structures containing metabolic compounds. they reproduce via budding. Anyways, Please Enjoy.
+ Prologue + Previous + Next +
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Chapter 13
Sightseeing
"Ouch." Creesh cried out as she dropped the box she had been attempting to move. Neirdith and Seth came running over to her and Samantha as she flapped her injured grasper while hopping around.
"Are you okay Creesh, what happened?" Seth asked worriedly as he reached her.
Neirdith's eyes widened as she saw her cut, it was small but welled with a slow trickle of dark green fluid. "Is your blood supposed to be that colour?" She asked worriedly.
"Yeah, that's normal, for a Swanith at least, you didn't know I had green blood?" She asked Neirdith.
Neirdith looked at her a bit sheepishly "Well I had read it somewhere, but it's different to see it in person ya know."
Creesh just rolled her eyes as Samantha tried to wrap a sterile bandage around her much smaller finger. "It can't be any weirder than you having bright blue blood, or Seth and Samantha both having red blood"
Samantha looked at Seth and said "Wait, you have red blood?"
Now it was Seth's turn to be surprised. Looking askance at her he replied "Yeah, Humans and Yeown have almost the exact same biochemical structure, it's what scientists call convergent evolution, that's why you can eat any of the meats that I can and vice-versa. You didn't get taught that in school?"
Saman
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Now, while Fred’s main experience with drunken cavorting had been in the context of university student parties, then this had enough similarities that the main difference stood out glaringly: Of the four females and two males, then none of them seemed… handsy. As in, there didn’t seem to be any hanky panky going on… instead they all looked at Fred with hungry and disinhibited eyes.
“The great war-smith! Come, sit!” bid one of the shining ones, demonstrating a remarkable ability to speak normally – despite needing three others to keep the poor soul upright.
Fred sat down, cautiously – first checking the seat. He had barely even touched down before the shining ones in the booth began patting his chest and arms.
“What? He’s not in his shell? How boring” one of the females quickly blurted out.
Taking a second to consider a reply to the accusatory glances being aimed at him, Fred found himself distracted by a large mug – Oktoberfest large – being plonked down in front of him by a demure alien servant who looked quite relieved to have sat the mug down.
Looking up at the shining ones, Fred couldn’t help but notice that their looks had changed into… anticipatory looks. That couldn’t be good: “I’m sure you all know what happened at Lord Loro’s party. If I ask Ish if there’s anything other than a normal drink in this… or if Lady Vris pops by and drinks some of it – how much trouble will you lot be in?”
One of the females laughed. It was a hearty laughter, but not one that sounded obviously malicious, at least as far as Fred could tell. He knew perfectly well that this could be just another trick, but when the female produced a straw and took a big sip from his drink, Fred found himself far more convinced. Another one of them commented in a coy tone: “We just want to see you drunk – you’re far too serious, always following your lady around and looking so stiff”
“You do this to all fighters?” Fred wondered, cautiously tasting the drink. Despite having been served in something that wouldn’t have looked too out of place at an Oktoberfest party, then the drink was more akin to the strange semi-alchemical mixtures sold at the chemistry student bar back at uni – only it was based on juice from fruits Fred had never tasted before.
They all cheered when Fred finally took a proper gulp – if for nothing else to calm himself. Fred had enough nurses and doctors in his family to know quite well the anti-anxiety effects of alcohol, and at that moment the shining ones aroun
... keep reading on reddit ➡For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
At work, I have a workstation.
edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
George nodded as !^!^ started to register the full implications of the comparatively massive Deathworlder's implication that she'd be a good mate for him, “Exactly, and like I said, your anatomy is well…”
His eyes swept up and down !^!^’s form and she got the distinct feeling she should be concerned by the way he was looking at her. “…Very attractive to a male of my species. Some have different tastes, but you suit mine…incredibly well. So, especially now that you’ve got my brain firing that way, please explain your species’ anatomy, and I’ll explain mine and hopefully we can get my mind off how incredibly beautiful you are.”
!^!^ blushed cobalt again, “Um…what, what do you want to know?”
“Cardio pulmonary organ if you have one, respiratory functions, central processing facilities, generally important chemicals, sensory organs and the methods of your digestive system seem like some good basics,” George replied after a moment of contemplation, “Would you like me to go first?”
!^!^ nodded with a small smile, “If you wouldn’t mind.”
George pointed to his head, “My body’s central processing unit, my brain, is encased in my skull, a nice tough shell of bone. There are soft spots here, here, and here,” he pointed to his eyes, ears, and the bottom of his jaw, “In the event you ever have to fight a human, these are good spots to aim for if you have a bladed weapon, they’re also our major sensory organs, so it’s rather crippling to lose one, but don’t bank on it finishing them immediately. It should, but there are infamous stories of those among my kind sustaining massive brain damage and surviving for decades.”
!^!^ blinked in shock, “Your brain. The bit that tells your body to keep functioning. Your people can have that damaged severely and keep functioning?”
George shrugged, “Well I mean if ya splatter it all over the wall like an egg then no, but there was at least one guy, I think his name was Phineas Gage or something, had a metal rod blow clean through
... keep reading on reddit ➡When I got home, they were still there.
