π︎ 17
π
︎ May 07 2012
Just got back from Loweβs where I picked up a cool new gadget.
Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.
Itβs real Cutting Hedge Technology.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project youβre working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
Robe Lowe prefers pure, uncut cocaine.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Tip of the day: The toilets at Lowes are just for display.
(they should put signs on those, or something..)
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
Walking into Lowes with my father in-law, he got my brother in-law and I good.
As we are getting close to walking into the store we walk past three gentlemen standing outside and one of them is holding some lumber. My father in-law looks at them and says "Must be having an important board meeting, carry on gentlemen".
We died laughing.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 22 2019
Walking through the garden section in Lowes
Step daughter " These rocks smell the candy."
Me "Would you say they smell like rock candy?"
Her facial expression was priceless
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 18 2018
At Lowes today the intercom lady says βSpecial Assistance Needed in the Blind Cutting Area.β
insert your dadβs joke here.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 11 2017
So my dad told me he was going to Lowe's..
"What are you getting there?" I asked.
"An Irish guy," he replied.
"What?"
"Patio furniture!"
"...what?"
"An Irish guy! Patty O' Furniture!"
π︎ 57
π
︎ Jul 17 2015
Lowe's: A place for dads
At Lowe's volunteering my truck to move some lumber that a friend is using to make his girlfriend shelves. He and I are standing with the boards, distracting her kids while she settles up at the counter. Among the continuous babble from her youngest was "I'm thirsty." Simultaneously from three directions around him, my friend and I and a passing Lowe's employee:
"Hi thirsty, I'm Mike!"
"Hi thirsty, I'm Dave!"
"Hi thirsty, I'm Neil!"
We all shared a moment while mom shot us the most exhausted and disappointed look I've ever seen.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jan 23 2014
Dad Joked Mom in Lowes
I'm an Mech. Engineering student and we are shopping for a new toilet in lowes.
Me upon seeing the kohler toilets: "they are recruiting engineers next week at our college"
"I don't think I want to work for a toilet company though"
Mom: "well they probably make good money"
Me: "yeah but I hear it's a shitty job"
A groan came from both her and the lowes employee who was helping us.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Sep 20 2014
Awkward encounter at Lowes today
I was purchasing a Square and level, an older man comes up to me and says "Don't worry I think you're innocent............. because you're obviously framed." I had to think for a while and he explained it was funny because of the tools I had in my hand.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 01 2014
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
π︎ 79
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
Is everyone here as tired as I am of the quiet Hawaiian a low ha joke?
If only that joke wasn't aloud.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?
He's a master of deduction
π︎ 107
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
There are 2 types of people: 1) people who make inferences over low amounts of information
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Why did the Indian yeast have low self esteem?
His whole life heβs been a naan starter.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
My extremely low effort drawn out pun. Whatβs it trying to say?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
What do we want? Low flying airplane noises
When do we want them? Nyoow
π︎ 70
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that Iβm an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
π︎ 39
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
Astonishmium
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
Do they allow loud laughs in Hawaii?
π︎ 255
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
ππ weβve hit a new low
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
π︎ 86
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
I was telling my wife how sometimes I feel really high and sometimes I feel really low.
"Dear, get off the swing" she said.
π︎ 189
π
︎ May 29 2020
2 midgets are sitting around bored.
One of them pulls out some weed and asks his mate, "Wanna get medium."
π︎ 49
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Low effort photoshop
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
I never get jokes about low flying clouds.
There's always something I've mist.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Itβs in Great condition, low mileage..
Only driven from time to time!
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Sep 27 2019
When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.
π︎ 374
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
I wonder why the corona cases are so low in Deutschland
I mean, its called Germ-many
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
There is nothing kawaii about Hawaii.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
The Norse god of mischief only had private birthday parties.
He kept things pretty low key.
π︎ 104
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy. How low can you go?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 31 2019
Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
Me: Dad, you're getting cramps because your potassium levels are low
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jul 17 2020
Today on the bus, I caught an absolutely disgusting low lying old pervert watching Porn..........
.......Over my shoulder!!!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
I set the bar pretty lowβ¦
Because I like to do the limbo
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
A Low Blow?
π︎ 29
π
︎ May 19 2020
Do Hawaiians laugh loudly?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patientβs record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patientβs record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkeyβs health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldnβt possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist.
My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking.
I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
My wife asked me, βAre you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?β
I said, βActually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Got myself a new dog, with a low, loud and resonant bark.
Going to call him Sub-woofer.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
This low calorie sweetener makes my coffee very Splendad
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 12 2020
If Rob Lowe.....
....if Rob Lowe could Rob Lowe's how many Lowe's would Rob Lowe Rob?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 27 2018
At Lowes...
(on loudspeaker): "Customer assistance needed in the blind cutting area. Customer assistance needed in the blind cutting area."
Dad: "Why are they cutting blind people?!"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 16 2014
What do we want? Low flying aeroplane noises. When do we want them?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
Do they allow loud laughing in hawai
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh
All they accept is a low ha
π︎ 205
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jul 28 2019
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Did you know people aren't allowed to laugh out loud in Hawaii?
They are only allowed a low ha.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy
π︎ 40
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
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