What does Los Angeles have in common with the Hobbit?

Smaug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?

Re:LAX

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptavis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Why did Watson go to Los Angeles for his next case?

Because that’s where he was told he could find Holmes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boricimo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What's the difference between The University of California-Berkeley and The University of California- Los Angeles?

At one UCLA and the other one UC-Berkeley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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What happens when the smog clears from over Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacey_kasey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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How does a crow in Boston communicate with a crow in Los Angeles?

Long distance caw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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In this morning's Los Angeles Times i.reddituploads.com/6263b…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2016
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What color are stores in Los Angeles?

LAvendor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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I would not want to take an airline out of Los Angeles...

The security is always so LAX

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndyK2001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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A lot of the material in my act pokes fun at the life style of people who live in los-angeles.

I call it SoCal commentary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OgreMonk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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Disaster at the Los Angeles zoo today

when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosvicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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A friend from Los Angeles is visiting...

But I really don't want to talk to them. I'm worried I might have SoCal anxiety disorder.

...And admittedly, I was hesitant to share that pun. I'm worried it LAX something important, or that it's just going to get Los in translation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoePeppy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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I saw this formal wear delivery truck driving around Los Angeles last night.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopeghostandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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I read an article today about a make-up from Los Angeles that is supposed to stop bad breath.

The headline was, "Super California Lipstick Vexes Halitosis"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/just87d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Looks like Los Angeles "dodged" the World Series (x-post /r/StLouis)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bangarang0987
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Got my dad in Los Angeles

So my dad and I were going around the Hollywood walk of fame, and we saw Tom Jones's star. My dad is a big fan, so he took a picture of it, but there was dirt all over it, along with a bunch of the others around it. My dad said "Of course Tom Jones's star is the dirty one." And I said "no dad, that's not unusual," and I got a blank stare until he laughed and gave me a high five

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πŸ‘€︎ u/declanm2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Which interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?

2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco

6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas

9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles

The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Front lawn dad joke #20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bicureyooz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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The Indian sandwich shop that closed last year reopened.

They named it the New New Delhi Deli.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rock_it_Scientist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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It's Christmas morning and Mariah Carey wakes up to see what her boyfriend got her this year.

She opens the front door and there is a huge log on a chain contraption that can ram castle gates.Β  Confused, she looks past the medieval device to see her boyfriend standing in the front yard surrounded by dozens of male sheep and holding two tickets to skybox seats for football in Los Angeles.

He holds his arms wide and asks, "what do you think?"

She smiles and says, "Thank you for the rams but all I want for Christmas is ewe."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsestretch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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If you're in a plane above LA...

What happens if you are in a plane above Los Angeles, and when you look out the window there are no clouds beneath you?U C L A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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No matter how much you push the envelope,

it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the ends.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PewPewWizard2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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My grandma just sent a chain email full of these. I'll just copy and paste them.

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

Here goes...

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/All_Hail_Dionysus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Saw this one on the way to work this morning

"What happens when the fog lifts in Los Angeles?" "U.C.L.A"

Needless to say, it made my morning commute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/katieisgolden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
🚨︎ report
What happens when the smog lifts from Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raychilljones15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Security at Los Angeles International Airport was very chill

I guess it was LAX.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
🚨︎ report
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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What happens on a clear day in Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elpachecoman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

UCLA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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What happens when the smog lifts over Southern California?

U.C.L.A.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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