My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EightRules
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

πŸ‘︎ 612
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My son made a block with six equal sides out of frozen water.

I said "Now that's a nice cube!"

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My pissed off neighbour told me he wanted to throw me in a deep hole full of water.

But I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A list of puns I made about a friend named Ann.

ANNforgivable, ANNother One, bANNed, ANNdroid, ANNticlimactic, ANNbelievable, ANNemployment, ANNcharted, ANNgry, ANNlucky, ANNseen, ANNalyze, ANNadvised, ANNafraid, ANNaided, ANNapologetic, United NatANNs, AmericANN, CanadiANN, IndiANN, JamaicANN, BritANN, JapANN, AsiANN, HumANN, ANNoying, DirectANN, ProductANN, DestructANN, RegeneratANN, AcceleratANN, AbsorptANN, AccommodatANN, AccumulatANN ActANN, additANN, SubscriptANN, SubtractANN, MultiplicatANN, DivisANN, EducatANN, AssumptANN, AppreciatANN, ANNything.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevotionInChains
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
🚨︎ report
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of tree is the best for blocking water?

An evergreen

πŸ‘︎ 338
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7bladesofgrass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TorsoHunter
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother got extremely pissed off when he put the top on a pot of water upside down. Then he turned it over.

He flipped his lid.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
People often ask me why I am willing to build barriers preventing the flow of water for anyone who asks...

I tell them it's because I give a dam.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My dog peed on my list of favorite businesses in the city

Now what’s left is Yellow Pages

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrabApprehensive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...

I have no egrets.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Why finding a source of clean water is the most important to-do when trying to survive?

Because thirst things first.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally got hold of an ancient pail used to fetch water. I crossed that item off.

It was on my bucket list.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
When I married my wife, I made a list of all the chores I knew how to do to help out in the house.

It was the list I could do

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
They finally released the film on the use of clocks in concrete water barriers.

It's about dam time!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnamflah
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What body of water will make you sick?

The hepatitis-sea.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Teacher: What’s the formula of water?

Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.

Teacher: That’s not the formula of water.

Student: You said the formula was H to O.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 400
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Mars: Is it true that only 3% of your water is drinkable?

Earth: Yes.

Mars: That’s pathetic.

Earth: At least I have more than you.

Mars: Stop being so salty.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I won’t get to use my water cannon of doom

Water shame

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doomboy1808
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
The sailors were exploring the waters between the cliffs of the inlet.

It was the fjord expedition.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DownwardSpirals
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Ever wonder the gender of an ant? Do the water test.

If it sinks it’s a girl ant. If it floats however...

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.

He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What is a dogs favourite kind of water?

Ruff seas

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IllusiveShad0ws
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanphi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend demanded that I tell him about 2 types of water containers.

I responded with "Well dam!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnoSnurtle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Me and my jug of water get on well.

We have a good re-pour

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.

I know she means well.

πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

The Opportunist.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the most boring body of water to cross?

The Redundan-Sea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an american car that crashed into a body of water?

A Fjord fusion!

I'll see my way out

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skorge963
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoalaTeaNip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.

" I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Salamander7965
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

i know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaachh_Ded
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the sex of an ant? You drop it in water. It sinks: girl ant. It floats:...

Boy ant

πŸ‘︎ 511
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plap12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well

πŸ‘︎ 312
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ljpicklefeet20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What weighs more; a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The water weighs more. Butane is the lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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