Now I know why they call me a ladies' man.
Must be sublemonal messages.
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
An orphanage.
grow a pear
A passionfruit.
But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.
A Cantaloupe
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
ANNforgivable, ANNother One, bANNed, ANNdroid, ANNticlimactic, ANNbelievable, ANNemployment, ANNcharted, ANNgry, ANNlucky, ANNseen, ANNalyze, ANNadvised, ANNafraid, ANNaided, ANNapologetic, United NatANNs, AmericANN, CanadiANN, IndiANN, JamaicANN, BritANN, JapANN, AsiANN, HumANN, ANNoying, DirectANN, ProductANN, DestructANN, RegeneratANN, AcceleratANN, AbsorptANN, AccommodatANN, AccumulatANN ActANN, additANN, SubscriptANN, SubtractANN, MultiplicatANN, DivisANN, EducatANN, AssumptANN, AppreciatANN, ANNything.
I saw him eating a bananananananananananananana!
It's nowhere near finished, but the first chapter's on lime.
Now what’s left is Yellow Pages
Her: That’s bananas.
Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.
It was the list I could do
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
Mangoes to the moon
It was a BRIEF case.
I have to draw the lime somewhere.
It is enough to make a mango crazy
(Banana for scale)
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of whiskey.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: “Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, the bouncer is a blonde girl with a club, I’m a 6-foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate and the woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters: “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it four times.”
A melancholy melon collie.
Number 3 will shock you
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
The geometree
It’s BANANAS
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
But No pun in ten did.
The possibilities are lemonless!
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
An absolute cracker
It was a Careless Swiss Pear.
they cantaloupe
He's such a smoothie talker.
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Cantaloupe
A Cantaloupe
Its enough to make a mango crazy!
I really need to draw the lime somewhere.
Cantaloupe...
