A list of puns related to "List of botanical gardens in India"
Turns out the evidence was planted
I rose to the occasion.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
He was a naan believer.
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
Because God took away their paradise.
But No pun in ten did.
"in vivo lost vagus"
I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden
I call it the flip charts.
Every clod has a silver lining.
Father: "For 18 years i've watched you grow up to be a great young adult, you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm so proud of Yew."
He was named Justin Case.
Doc: Wow, it's very organized ;)
It’s simply naan-negotiable.
Adam and Eve became dis-Abeled
he had his back to the fuchsias.
Lacks Cetacean..
Adam and Eve were spending time together, and it started to get hot and heavy. When Eve tells Adam to stop, he asked what's wrong? She sits up and pulls a fig from behind her back and says I don't wanna have sex on the first date
“I live in Spain without the ‘s’”.
This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.
It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the “Bah”.
I have a double China without the “a”.
Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the “an”.
Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.
You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the “J”.
You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the “Ku”.
Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.
As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the “Ne”.
All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?
I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the “Den”, of course.
Doctor: wow. Looks very organized!
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
It's a naan issue.
But then I realized it's a naan issue.
My dad told my brother to change his bedsheets while his gf is coming..
"I don't want her to get pregnant just by sitting" he said
I'm dyin lmao😂😂
Destruction 100
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡With Scissors!
My Dad sense of humor appreciated this.
[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]
The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.
"It is my great privilege — well, it's my privilege — actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.
Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."
And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:
"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."
"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."
"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."
"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."
[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."
"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."
"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "
"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."
"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)
"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."
[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com
... keep reading on reddit ➡Back story... sitting in the garden, social distancing bbq. One of our mates has a baby who was looking for food and such. I came out with a pack of skips crisp. Baby’s mum said ‘gotta be careful, it’s got salt in it’,
To my amazement I said ‘ they contain salt!’ To which my partner replies... why do u think there so addictive’
With out thinking i spluted’ so if I put salt on my dick it will be ad-dick-tive!
No one laughed but me.
Anyone who makes a pun about iron should pay a periodic Fe, I would stop now but that'd be Nobel of me, HeHeHe. Be sure to take a deep breath before you say "NO". At this point you might thinking we should get Iridium of this guy in rl too. I'll eventually run out of chemical puns, right? Na, which might be your mood coincidentally. This guy must be a fake as Silicone, he got this from somewhere to which I reply, Si, senor! I Cu calling for the coppers, but any "Bro" of mine wouldn't. Don't worry, the best ones Argon by now. Au reading this! This winding list is surely golden by now, right?
As we close this out, allow me to echo your thoughts one last time, Fr y'all.
"F"In"Al"Y"
One time I took a bunch of them with me to Abu Dhabi and while most of them were fine one behaved very weirdly, splitting and separating like it was in the humid air of the tropics. Very strange. I even wrote a letter about it to a listings magazine, which began:
"What's On, I commend to your attention the curious incident of the POG in the dry clime."
I'm thinking about giving up my life and movimg to India to be a standup comedian, but I'm nervous, it would be my first Punjobi. I Khan't get very far without knowing much about Sikhing this kind of work, so if you could be my reference and Singh my praises, that would be great, I'm just sick of working in a Deli.
Okay, so this is my first post, so be gentle there. It s more a funny thing my dad did to mess with us than a dad joke. Our parents explained it to us , so i don t have the dialogues here. When we were little, my brother and I of course asked my parents how do we make babies, because we wanted a little bro or sis and they did not wanted us to get one. So we asked them how babies are made. They explained to us that you need 3 things ; a mother's belly , dad's seeds and a little bit of love. That was cute, they said that daddy had to put his seeds in mummy 's belly with the love. When we asked how, they told us to guess -this is why we thought babies were made by the bellybutton, they did really had fun with us- and then, finally, we asked them why they would not make us a little brother then. My father, had this brilliant idea to mess with us, which we sometimes did not notice, as we were little. He basically told us with a huge smile accros his face :" You know what ? If you find the good seeds, we'll make you one". My mother laughed but we took it seriously. We have apparently searched for hours even going in the basement, searching in mom's gardening seeds, ripping of the labels and bringing them to the parents to ask if these were the good ones . We eventually got fed up, and never asked my parents to have a sibling again.
After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."
The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"
She says: "Adam and Eve!"
She gets into Heaven.
The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"
She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"
She gets into Heaven.
The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"
Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, uttering "Gee, that's a hard one..."
The saint lets her right into Heaven.
The End.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
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