I'm always confusing linoleum with other things,

but I never take it for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skarkroe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory?

De brie was everywhere!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linksrd009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen?

Linoleum blown-apart

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CosmicDeterminant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France.

Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Did you hear about the kitchen explosion in France?

It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blownapart

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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Did you hear about the French general who used a cannon to start his kitchen remodel?

It was linoleum blownapart

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capt-Redbeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What happens when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blown-A-Part

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HStew42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Just received a classic dad text

He had been helping me cut a piece of linoleum and busted out this gem.

http://imgur.com/a/87f84

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatLoudmouthBird
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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This chef was fired from a fancy French restaurant, so he went back with a bomb under his clothes. Everyone remembers his name:

Linoleum Blownapart.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2014
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What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum blown apart

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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What do you get when you throw a hand grenade in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlassDeviant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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What do you call it when you explode a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blown-Apart

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beth_DDaniels
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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What do you call an explosion in a french kitchen?

Linoleum blown-apart

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niteowlnarld
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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What do you get if there's an explosion in your kitchen?

Linoleum BlownApart

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2016
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

  19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  21. A backward poet writes inverse.

  22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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What do you call dynamite in a French Bathroom?

Linoleum Blown-apart.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greeenpantz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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