Lay brother Puns

A man applied for a job as a handy man and the interview went as follows;

INTERVIEWER: Thanks for the interest for the position as a handy man, this role requires work in many different areas to upkeep the building. Are you okay with electrical work.

APPLICANT: Oh no I can't work with anything electrical. My brother was electricuted while working a job so I'm terribly afriad of electrical work.

INTERVIEWER: Oh okay, I understand. Well there will be plenty of painting to be done over the weeks ahead how are you with that?

APPLICANT: Well the thing is I have a very shaky hand and would struggle with a paintbrush, I can't garentee doing a tidy job while painting I'm afraid.

INTERVIEWER: Riiight okay... Well we have some construction work planned with bricks, could you handle that??

APPLICANT: Ahh I have a bad back and would be in great pain bending over to do any brick laying. So no I wouldn't be able to do that.

INTERVIEWER: YOU DO REALIZE WHIS IS A HANDY MAN JOB?!? WHAT THE HECK IS HANDY ABOUT YOU??

APPLICANT: Oh I just live round the corner which I thought would be handy.

lay in my twin bed and wonder where my brother was.

My brother was laying in the grass and got up and asked my grandpa if there was anything on his back. My grandpa replied “yea, your shirt”

We're all sitting around the table as we scoop and tong all the things we want to eat. My brother-in-law is grabbing some pasta salad when my dad lays down this gem.

Dad: Hey Tim, can you pass-da-salad?

Tim: Yeah, sure. Oh god...

My dad and I proceed to laugh for about 5 minutes as the rest of the family sit their shaking their heads.