A list of puns related to "Johnnie To"
Once we took them from him , he started teasing us , because we now had glasses.
I'm going to call it Johnny C Goode.
When he got to old man Johnsonβs house the old man said βMy yard doesnβt need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. Iβll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown Iβll throw in a 50 dollar bonusβ.
With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.
Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnsonβs door to collect his hundred dollars.
βAll finished, thatβll be one hundred dollarsβ!
Noticing there wasnβt a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.
βNow little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porchβ?
βI sure am! Oh and by the way thatβs not a porch, itβs a Ferrariβ!
Heβs come full circle, heβs a pun crocker.
I guess I just have good Depp perception.
A u-seless fiddle (sorry if you havenβt heard the song, check it out, is lovely).
Johnny and susie are working in a factory, and Susie says βthis is a nice day I donβt wanna work anymoreβ and little Johnny says βwell maybe see if he will give you the rest of the day offβ and then the boss comes in and Susie is hanging upside down on the chandelier saying βIβm a light bulbβ and the boss says βmaybe you should talk the rest of the day off. So Susie goes out the door and Johnny follows her and the boss asks βwhere do you think youβre going?β And Johnny replies βyou expect me to work in the fucking dark?β
George Clooney said βIβll direct!β Johnny Depp said βIβll produce!β Mathew McConaughey said βIll write, Iβll write, Iβll write.β
I guess itβs not for me to say
Mainstream.
Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not
Just to watch him dye.
The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed
I just read that Mariah Carey has been has been selected to play with Johnny Cash on his Resurrection Tour. There won't be an opening act, so it'll be only Cash n Carey.
Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.
I'm sorry for the cringe...
Ruth hits a tree.
Johnny decides to continue on.
Ruthlessly.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
We have her parents in town visiting, we also live about a mile from Johnny Cash's old house that burnt down some time ago. My wife was telling her mother about the house and how we could go take a look at it from our boat, she called to me in the back room and asked "Hunny, do you know how Johnny Cash's house burnt down?"
Without a seconds hesitation I yelled back "It was a fire".
I was proud of myself.
On his walk home he sees a dog in he middle of the road. He wonders what itβs doing laying there when all of a sudden a car comes by and hits the dog. It flies through the air and after a minute, gets up and runs into the woods. Johnny canβt believe what he just saw and rushes home to tell his mom. He goes inside breathing hard form running and says βYouβre not going to believe what I just sawβ
βWhat happened Johnnyβ says his mom
βThis car just hit this dog right in the ass and it flew through the air. He barely got up and limped into the woodsβ
The mom then says βnow little Johnny cmon lets be a little more respectfully letβs not use those words. Letβs say rectum insteadβ
Johnny then replies
βWrecked him!? That car damn near killed him!β
A teacher asked her class to use the word "definitely" in a sentence. "The sky is definitely blue." said one girl. The teacher responded, "The sky can also be black or red or even pink." Another kid raised his hand, "The grass is definitely green." The grass could also be brown." Then little Johnny raised his hand. "Yes Johnny." "Are farts solid?" The teacher taken aback by his question answers anyways, "No Johnny but how is that relavent?" "Well I definitely pooped my pants!"
And he ran inside screaming "Mommy mommy I've been stung by a bee!"
So Johnny's mother says, "Oh calm down, lets put some cream on it"
At this Little Johnny replies "But how? It must be miles away by now!"
Badum Tsssss
My dad absolutely LOVES this joke, and he tells it to EVERYBODY, at first some people look at him confused but after a second or two everybody gets it and laughs, I swear to god Every. Damn. Time. And I love it
Some of the kids attending are:
Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"
The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."
I'm home for a visit this weekend and in his usual fashion, my dad just randomly pipes up to make a joke. This time around it was a belated Halloween joke.
Dad: "Oh little Johnny, what a good pirate costume. where are your little buccaneers?" Dad, answering his own joke: "Under my buccin' hat."
I just dropped my head and groaned. His job done, the old man left the room with a chuckle.
Dad: "Want to hear a dirty joke?" Me: Sure.. Dad "Johnny fell into the mud" Me: /facepalm
We were discussing Wong Sun v. U.s., and the defendants in that case included memorable names such as Johnny Yee, Hom Way, and Wong Son. After an inspired lecture, the professor concluded with
Professor: So let this be a lesson to you all, if you're in engaged in crime... you'll be putting yourself in Hom's Way
*commence class wide groan
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