We used to tease a kid named Johnny because he had glasses.

Once we took them from him , he started teasing us , because we now had glasses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Everisfunny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I am opening a rock'n'roll-themed Opticians.

I'm going to call it Johnny C Goode.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arlinconio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Little Johnny was going door to door asking his neighbors if they needed any yard work done.

When he got to old man Johnson’s house the old man said β€œMy yard doesn’t need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. I’ll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown I’ll throw in a 50 dollar bonus”.

With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.

Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnson’s door to collect his hundred dollars.

β€œAll finished, that’ll be one hundred dollars”!

Noticing there wasn’t a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.

β€œNow little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porch”?

β€œI sure am! Oh and by the way that’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari”!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Johnny used to be a punk rocker in the 80’s. Now his kids are grown, he makes crocks at the pottery and loves to write jokes and puns.

He’s come full circle, he’s a pun crocker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Despite the fact that Johnny Depp really disappears into his characters, I never seem to have any trouble recognizing him in a movie.

I guess I just have good Depp perception.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adambrantbelcher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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In the song β€œThe devil went down to Georgia”, what did the devil give Johnny?

A u-seless fiddle (sorry if you haven’t heard the song, check it out, is lovely).

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Little Johnny joke

Johnny and susie are working in a factory, and Susie says β€œthis is a nice day I don’t wanna work anymore” and little Johnny says β€œwell maybe see if he will give you the rest of the day off” and then the boss comes in and Susie is hanging upside down on the chandelier saying β€œI’m a light bulb” and the boss says β€œmaybe you should talk the rest of the day off. So Susie goes out the door and Johnny follows her and the boss asks β€œwhere do you think you’re going?” And Johnny replies β€œyou expect me to work in the fucking dark?”

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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George Clooney, Johnny Depp, and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie together

George Clooney said β€œI’ll direct!” Johnny Depp said β€œI’ll produce!” Mathew McConaughey said β€œIll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BATHTUBISREAL
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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My friend told me to never assume her favorite Johnny Mathis song

I guess it’s not for me to say

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zefdef
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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One fish says to another fish, "Hey Fred, what's the quickest way to Johnny's?"

Mainstream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSuperdudly1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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Cache registers are going to be the only thing Robot Johnny's memory has to look back on
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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Johnny Depp has lost his case against The Sun newspaper even with evidences

Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Why did Johnny Cash hire a man to make him tie dye shirts?

Just to watch him dye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zoolilba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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I saw a cowboy chasing Johnny cash across Arizona, this is all I had to say

The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Continuum_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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Resurrection tour

I just read that Mariah Carey has been has been selected to play with Johnny Cash on his Resurrection Tour. There won't be an opening act, so it'll be only Cash n Carey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chichm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Bad collection of puns

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

  1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
  2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
  3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
  4. lettuce taco bout it?
  5. I will asalt you with puns!
  6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
  7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
  8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
  9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
  10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
  11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
  12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
  13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
  14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Johnny and Ruth are biking down a hill.

Ruth hits a tree.

Johnny decides to continue on.

Ruthlessly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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Little Johnny oldie

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twowhlr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I dad joked my wife hard last night.

We have her parents in town visiting, we also live about a mile from Johnny Cash's old house that burnt down some time ago. My wife was telling her mother about the house and how we could go take a look at it from our boat, she called to me in the back room and asked "Hunny, do you know how Johnny Cash's house burnt down?"

Without a seconds hesitation I yelled back "It was a fire".

I was proud of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
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Johnny gets off the bus on the way home from school

On his walk home he sees a dog in he middle of the road. He wonders what it’s doing laying there when all of a sudden a car comes by and hits the dog. It flies through the air and after a minute, gets up and runs into the woods. Johnny can’t believe what he just saw and rushes home to tell his mom. He goes inside breathing hard form running and says β€œYou’re not going to believe what I just saw”

β€œWhat happened Johnny” says his mom

β€œThis car just hit this dog right in the ass and it flew through the air. He barely got up and limped into the woods”

The mom then says β€œnow little Johnny cmon lets be a little more respectfully let’s not use those words. Let’s say rectum instead”

Johnny then replies

β€œWrecked him!? That car damn near killed him!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LockinKey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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A teacher asked her class..

A teacher asked her class to use the word "definitely" in a sentence. "The sky is definitely blue." said one girl. The teacher responded, "The sky can also be black or red or even pink." Another kid raised his hand, "The grass is definitely green." The grass could also be brown." Then little Johnny raised his hand. "Yes Johnny." "Are farts solid?" The teacher taken aback by his question answers anyways, "No Johnny but how is that relavent?" "Well I definitely pooped my pants!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickOfButter24
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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So little Johnny was stung by a bee…

And he ran inside screaming "Mommy mommy I've been stung by a bee!"

So Johnny's mother says, "Oh calm down, lets put some cream on it"

At this Little Johnny replies "But how? It must be miles away by now!"

Badum Tsssss

My dad absolutely LOVES this joke, and he tells it to EVERYBODY, at first some people look at him confused but after a second or two everybody gets it and laughs, I swear to god Every. Damn. Time. And I love it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Winter_Chills
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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I read jokes from this sub to get back at him, though.

I'm home for a visit this weekend and in his usual fashion, my dad just randomly pipes up to make a joke. This time around it was a belated Halloween joke.

Dad: "Oh little Johnny, what a good pirate costume. where are your little buccaneers?" Dad, answering his own joke: "Under my buccin' hat."

I just dropped my head and groaned. His job done, the old man left the room with a chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MidtermMassacre
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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My dad's most memorable joke.

Dad: "Want to hear a dirty joke?" Me: Sure.. Dad "Johnny fell into the mud" Me: /facepalm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neverbennsoinlove
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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Dad joke from my law professor today

We were discussing Wong Sun v. U.s., and the defendants in that case included memorable names such as Johnny Yee, Hom Way, and Wong Son. After an inspired lecture, the professor concluded with

Professor: So let this be a lesson to you all, if you're in engaged in crime... you'll be putting yourself in Hom's Way

*commence class wide groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Pizza_Puncher
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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