Jesus to a Child Puns

Sally was at Sunday school, when she fell asleep. The teacher realizes this and says, “Sally who is the creator of life?” Her friend, Colin, who sat behind her. Poked her with a needle to wake her up. She wakes with a jump and yells, “GOD ALMIGHTY” The teacher responds, “Very good Sally.” Soon later, Sally falls back asleep. The teacher, again notices and says to her, “Sally who is our savior?” Colin again, pokes her with a needle. Sally jumps up and yells, “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher responds, “Very good.” For a third time Sally falls asleep. The teacher, having enough of it, asked, “Sally, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 17th child?.” Colin again, pokes Sally with a needle to wake her up. She jumps up and yells, “I SWEAR TO GOD, if you shove that thing in me one more time, I’m going to rip it from you, and shove up your throat!”

Mary, Mother of Jesus, is trying to get her son to go to bed and is having no luck. She decides to pray to God to help her in her task. She asks "Dear God, our blessed child is restless and just won't stay tucked into bed, will you help me?" God sighs and addresses Jesus "My son, please listen to your mother and get some rest." To which Jesus responds "No way, Dad!" God grins and replies "Yaweh!"

Today my mom was talking about someone she knows who isn't making enough money to support her autistic child, so she's getting a second job.

Dad chimes in without missing a beat and says "Jesus, how many art supplies does the kid need?!"