I can't carry 20l of petrol

But Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Asked my friends if they could drink 5 litres of fuel and not be sick. Turned out.....

Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol and not get ill?

Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 386
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graemeboyle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know who can drink 20L of petrol?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMIKRON621
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BabyxJolly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 6 liters of gasoline and not get sick?

Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GonnaGoFat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 2 litres of gas?!

Jerry can!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscordisMe5789
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Just lost two precious pets, Jeremiah and Thomas. Gonna miss you little guys

R.I.P...Tom and Jerry

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know who can drink a gallon of gasoline and not die?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink four gallons of gasoline?

Jerry can!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrollholio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm not able to hold 5 gallons of gasoline in me...

...but Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThyNameIsP
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Not many people can drink gasoline

But jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cor_II
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I have tons of friends!

Jerry and Bob, my favorite sumo wrestlers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tien2707
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Which Spice girl can carry the most petrol?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldboySlim
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me who can carry gas for him

And I said jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a cannibal’s favorite dessert?

Ben and Jerry’s

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grassblox311
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: You know, we haven’t had a hug in days...

Husband: Yeah, I prefer Ben & Jerry’s.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwmbe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call 90 year old named Jeremy that's scored 3 goals?

Jerry Hat-Trick

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiceHouseGoodTea
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was golfing with my good buddies...

It was a foursome... Al, Jerry and Gerry. To ease confusion, we just call the (G)Jerry’s by the first letter of their name... so Jay and Gee.

Anyways, we were playing the other day and I could tell that someone was wearing cologne. Why on a golf course? I don’t know.

Now I’m kinda sensitive to odors and aromas and, sure enough, after a few holes, my eyes start to water and I start to sneeze.

I turn to Jay and say β€œI think I’m allergic to someone’s cologne”

Jay responds, β€œHmmm, I’m not wearing cologne, it must be Al or Gee’s”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Who can carry 20 litres of water?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aisekkedancc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).

Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!

Me: That's "Risky Business" honey

Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!

Me: ....ok dear

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thetewj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s a triangle’s favorite comedian?

Jerry Cosinefeld... what’s with that?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hockey team full of old people?

The Jerry hat tricks

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pajigles
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.

I guess that is Jerry picking.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Remembered this from when I was younger

Was on a family vacation to the beach and my sister, mom, dad and I were all in a local Ben and Jerry's getting some ice cream. Well the guy in front of us definitely had the Donald Trump hair going on and we all noticed. Out of nowhere, my dad turns around with a straight face and says,

"I'll pay for the ice cream this time, but you toupee next time."

I couldn't help but laugh and my mother had to walk out of the parlor. These comments are the reason why my father is my best friend

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report
You know which one of my kids can carry the most gasoline?

Jerry Can

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie_riot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend just dad joked me.

So we were going to see an Impressionist exhibit at the art museum and my friend, in her best Jerry Maguire voice, goes "Show me the Monet!"

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fowlerbaby123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Some intense conversation

Today at work-

Bob: The 49ers game was intense! Jerry: What about camping? Bob: Huh? Jerry: It was intense, In... tents?

Friggin Granddad Jerry

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rptroop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report
God dammit uncle Rick

Me: Didn't you do jiu jitsu when you were younger?

Uncle Jerry: No, I did Judo.

Mom: What's Judo?

Uncle Rick: It's what bagels are made of.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tcoons
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reggin121
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink two litres of petrol?

Jerry can!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-do-do
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 10 litres of fuel without getting sick?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Penguino911
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5l of petrol and not get sick

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patrick_L58
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol and not get sick?

Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can carry petrol?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol without getting sick?

Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/welshyboy123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 litres of fuel?

Jerry-can

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jay18411
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 20 litres of fuel?

Jerry can!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 2 litres of petrol?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dog_shit666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can carry the fuel?

Who can carry 20L of fuel for me?

JERRY CAN!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__MrJ__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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