Jazz band Puns

They got no soul.

They really saxophoned it in.

Eventually, my plan went on in full swing.

Riding in the car with dad and I decide to tell him a joke (I know a lot of people have heard it before).

Me: If I was a DJ I'd be DJ Enzyme cause I like to break it down!

Dad: Well I'd be DJ Photon.

Me: Whaaaaaat?

Dad: Cause I like to light it up!

As soon as he comes through the door his wife excitedly tells him "Henry! You would never believe it! The sheep have formed a Jazz band! Isn't that great?!"

Henry, annoyed, replies "I know Mary, I fucking heard them."

"Coun-Ting" -My Jazz band teacher in his attempt to get the band to count

He's a fast-paced Jazz Big Band director. When a section is lost, he ALWAYS says this line, "Be alert. [dramatic pause] The world needs more lerts."

So I'm concussed during my high-school rugby game, after which we head to the hospital. Important to mention that I was a member of my school's jazz band, and had a concert coming up. I get checked out by the doc, minor concussion. He's going over the stuff with my dad on what to watch out for (be careful with naps, no contact sports for a while etc.) and my dad asks if I'd be able to play the trumpet in next week's concert. The doc says he thinks it might not be the best idea. So my dad asks, will he at least be able to play the piano? Doc replies that yes, I'd be able to play the piano.
"That's great, he wasn't able play it before the concussion!"
Took a second for the doctor to realize what happened, after which he seemed to sigh with exhaustion and laughed.

I'm a pianist in a jazz band. Today, our drummer was running late. A bit into the rehearsal, he runs in and the band stops playing.

Drummer: sorry I'm late... what are we playing? Leader: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Drummer: well, that's an awfully nice thing for you to say to someone who just showed up late to your rehearsal, thanks!