Scientists has discovered in the desert a cactus that's needles are so hard to see there almost transparent. I says to my self...
That cactus must really like making her points clear.
I went to get my hair styled yesterday, but it was so expensive!
I really should’ve just waited for a blowout sale
It's so hard for Necromancers to raise a family these days.
Unless of course they're buried in the same cemetery.
I guess that's how they stay fit though.
All those dead lifts.
It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?
Why’s it so hard to understand a person that’s jobless
Because they make no cents
For years, I’ve told people that chiropractors can not help with posture. But just yesterday, a friend convinced me to give it a try, and already I see improvement…
It hurts me to say this, but ...
This may not be the right sub for this, if so mods do your thing but my girlfriend, who has worked hard all her life to be a top ranked tennis player, just broke up with me.
I guess love means nothing to her.
Why is golf so hard to watch?
Because it’s plot is full of holes
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
Why is it so hard for T. Rex to play the piano?
I went to a terrible zoo yesterday, it only had a dog
We got a new dog yesterday. He was a rescue and we're so glad to make him a part of our family. 'I think the transition is going well.'
'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'
Everyone tried so hard to figure out why Mr. Edwards changed his name to Mr. Evans
But after all these years, it's still a Mr. E
Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?
It was so hot yesterday I had to stand in the shade.
A Nun is trying to become a radio show host. But it's hard because they are Trans.
I keep telling them that Trans-sister radio shows are just not in right now.
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
"I must say, you are the better than every other applicant we've spoken to so far," said the man at the end of my interview.
"Thanks," I smiled, leaving the room.
Then he poked his head out of the door and said, "OK, would the second candidate like to come in?"
So my wife says, “honey, I’d like to have a little Italian for dinner tonight.”
I said, “Sure. But I’m not sure how the little Italian’s family will feel about that.”
I went to a zoo yesterday, It was awful! there was no animals there apart from 1 dog
What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
I was at a garage sale yesterday, and I saw a 70 inch TV for $5. I asked the person running the garage sale what the catch was. They told me the volume is stuck at max, so you know what I said?
I went to an open-air cafe yesterday and it rained.
It took me four hours to eat my soup.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
I asked my daughter if she had taken a bath yet and sarcastically she says yeah, so I tell her to take another one.
On my last day of vacation, I said goodbye to the ocean...
I meant to cross post it but I don’t know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
What does the sock say to the foot to make it go away
Two horses in a field, one says to the other “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse’
My mam used to say you don't appreciate something enough till it's gone
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
How do you say goodbye to your two male kids?
Yesterday, I went to my psychiatrist office wearing saran wrap pants. And my psychiatrist said...
"Clearly; I can see you're nuts."
I took my daughter to her swimming lesson yesterday and the leisure centre absolutely stank.
It turns out that all of the other parents were also dropping their kids off at the pool.
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
What did the evil vacuum cleaner say to its son?
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said “go for it!”
He went on to shout, “No! Not the kryptonite!”
A little confused, I said “that’s Superman.”
“Thank you!” he laughed. “I’ve been practicing a lot.”
So a few years back, my sister forgot to put the butter away and mom was chewing her out because it was ruined.
Seeing an opportunity to break the tension, I called from the living room, "I guess you BUTTER not do that again!"
Mom shouted back that my joke was terrible, but she was laughing too much to stay irritated.
I find it really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells seashells by the sea shore.
It is really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
