What do you call a fried potato who is being held hostage?

A bargaining chip.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ndGall
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
News: 1 man dead after being held hostage at gun point today

"You think these people would learn to stop hanging out at gun point already"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
People say that being a hostage is hard, but I don’t agree.

I can do that with my hands tied behind my back.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Just talked to my dad about the gif on the front page of the cop tackling the gunman and his hostage

i said "yeah the cop was on the roof and tackled the guy, it seemed intense." My dad says "it wasn't outside?" I said "uh...well yeah he was on a roof and jumped down." He says back "but I thought you said it was in tents?" I let out the biggest groan as he starts giggling like a school girl

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/landophant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
🚨︎ report
My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Well that's-
πŸ‘︎ 526
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/browsr23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
This swath I got
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Korkolykos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jvarblow
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Wierdgardium Flexiosa reddit.com/r/me_irl/comme…
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What has only one finger and is very demanding ?

A Ransom Note.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frenzy3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

He woke up.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
🚨︎ report
*knock knock* "Who's there?"

"Pun-patrol! You s-pun around on your chair way beyond government regulations!"

"I can't help it! I'm pun-sexual!"

"Sir, o-pun the door or we will have to use force!"

"Stay back! I have a hostage! I don't care if my crimes will ever get ex-pun-ged!"

"Lay down your wea-pun! Face your pun-ishment!"

"Sir, I just arrived and can confirm, he has a Pun-da!"

"Thank god for your pun-ctuality! This changes everything! Now go and pun-ch down the door!"

crashing noises

"Sir! We have fumes! God, what is this pun-gent smell??"

"Ahaha, you ran into my trap! Now die, Pun-k!"

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

silence

"No time for com-pun-ction. Come, S-pun-ky, we need to leave. Let's head for Pun-ama."

EDIT: formatting.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D0tBlue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The story of Kenneth Lamar Noid

The following story is true.

Perhaps you have heard of The Noid. He was a character created by Domino's Pizza to act as a villain who would attempt to make your pizza taste crappy due to lack of freshness. Thankfully, according to Domino's, The Noid could easily be foiled by their 30 minute delivery guarantee.

On January 30, 1989, a man by the name of Kenneth Lamar Noid took the creation of the little guy as a personal attack on his character. Not one to take such a slight lying down, Mr. Noid took a Domino's location in Atlanta hostage, forcing them to make a special pizza and salad against their will. His demands included $100,000, getaway transportation, and a copy of the hit science fiction novel, "The Widow's Son".

Eventually, Mr. Noid surrendered to the police. After the incident, when reached for comment about Mr. Noid, Police Chief Reed Miller was quoted as saying, "He's paranoid."

Thank you for your time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salty904
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who robbed a bank with a pen?

He held his hostages at ballpoint

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtang6031
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's fortune cookies always have the same fortune...

"Help, I'm being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mundoextrano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Cat-tastrophe

While petting my cat, she placed her paw over my arm, threatening to unsheathe the razor-sharp claws into my forearm. I turn to my dad. "Dad, she's holding me hostage with her paw." "Looks like she has paw-wer over you." Groans insue. Cat leaves.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bioman2222
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.