Herman Puns

Customer: Yuck! This ice cream taste terrible. Vendor: Vanilla. I thought you said gorilla.

A classic Abbott and Costello routine from their radio show – where Bud Abbott is talking about his Uncle Herman who works in a dye factory, and Lou Costello confuses “dyeing” for “dying”

Herman Melville, but that whale never wrote him back.

When my brother was four years old, my dad told him to go sit on Santa Claus' lap at the church. Santa Claus was actually being played by my second uncle, Mr. Herman. My brother had already heard rumors of this, so when he went to sit on Santa Claus' lap he asked: "Are you Mr. Herman?" Mr. Herman replied: "Baloney!"

My brother went back to my dad and said: "His name is Baloney!"

(My brother is now 39 years old and the proud father of a 19-month-old son)

I was talking to my wife and she was telling me how her and my daughter were enjoying bean dip earlier in the day.

Wife: We were just sitting down, watching Peewee Herman, eating bean dip and having quiet time.

Me: You were watching Peewee Herman eat bean dip today?

It took her a while before she looked down and sighed, realizing what a mistake she made in marrying me.