A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.

"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"

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📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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While watching Transformers: Age of Extinction with my wife I notice one the autobots was pretty hefty...

I said to my wife, "He must be eating too many carb-uretors."

Thanks to a friend for this joke who just had his 3rd girl. God bless him...

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Aug 31 2015
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My friend just became CEO of a garbage bag company.

He got a Hefty contract.

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📅︎ May 21 2020
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What's the heaviest Chinese food?

The one-ton.

👍︎ 20
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📅︎ Feb 16 2018
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Did you hear about the garbage bag tax?

Some people think it's too Hefty... Others are Glad... I think the whole thing is trash!

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📅︎ Feb 16 2019
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My husband and I were changing our 3 week old son's diaper

It's 3 am, we're both exhausted, and this tiny child just took the biggest poop!

Me: Wow! That's a hefty diaper!

Husband: Actually, that's a Pampers...Hefty makes trash bags.

Me: groan I'm going to bed!

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👤︎ u/Larusse
📅︎ Aug 20 2016
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My girlfriend says I would look good even in a trash bag.

But I think I would look a little hefty.

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👤︎ u/erog653
📅︎ Jan 16 2016
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Garbage bags

I went to throw out an overfilled garbage bag and my dad started feeling it saying man now thats hefty

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👤︎ u/newyoaka
📅︎ Nov 21 2017
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Why couldn't the trash can get his lid up?

...because his girlfriend was hefty.

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👤︎ u/strangetea
📅︎ Apr 25 2016
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Making the best of senior prom

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

  1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
  2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
  3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
👍︎ 2
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📅︎ May 06 2015
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My friend just got hired as a CEO for a garbage bag company.

He got a Hefty contract.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Jul 04 2019
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