Heavy D Puns

Because they would be Knight Wights.

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

Son: I can’t.

Me: And why not?

Son: Because it’s too heavy!

"Heavy."

It's like my jokes carry no weight.

Confused and upset, I asked why.

The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it away a now.

A heart shaped bread. (she pronounced it "hot" with a heavy British accent). This is her Valentine day joke. I am a proud dad.

The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

One is really heavy the other is a little lighter

The Pier pressure is heavy

I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti

I love my Christian Heavy Metal.

My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.

He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.

And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.

My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.

Heavy Infantry

“What are you doing, dad?”

I sigh a long, heavy sigh.

“Not much, just feeling board.”

This is a most heavy decision.

Hey guys, what is blue and not heavy?. . . .Light Blue

I tried the other day but mine is far too heavy.

Guess I must be a heavy sleeper

It’s called “Heavy Doody.”

It's where you'll find all the heavy metal rockers with lisps.

The other one says “I’m a heavy metal fan.”

They were a heavy metal group.

I took my Rottweiler to the vet because it’s cross eyed, he lifted it up to look at it then said:

“I’m going to have to put this dog down.”

“What!? Why!” I exclaimed. “Because it’s cross eyed?”

“No, because it’s heavy”. He replied.

*Dad is hammering around in the garage*

Son: Whatcha doing?

Dad: I'm thinking about playing in heavy metal band

I officially became a father a few days ago! My sweet daughter has a some jaundice so we've had to stay in the hospital a few more days for treatment.

The nurse lugged I a big box and said "we are going start light therapy"

Me "looks heavy"

The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"

Me: I dunno. How heavy is she? Son: In a car dad

This happened only moments ago. You can't just softball 'em in like that, son.

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter ✨

One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.

One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.

One is heavy and the other is a little lighter

Ones heavy and ones a little lighter.

One is quite heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

One's really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

One is quite heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

One is pretty heavy and the other is a little lighter

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.