I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?
I told my wife I want to give up my high paying computer programming job to become a farmer. Astounded, she asked, “Why in the world would you want to do that?” I replied,
“It’s a growing industry.”
My dad was telling me about his doctor’s appointment today. He needed to get some vaccines, but because of Covid he would have to go to the office and they would give them to him in his car.
He said he was going to be involved in a drive by shooting.
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...
"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
What do you call the kid in class that always demands the teacher give the exam results ASAP?
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?
Because they've got the Write Stuff.
I told my son if he farted in the car he would have to give me 10$ of his 100$ monthly allowance.
I always get my 10 Per-Scent
Made my first dad joke in awaiting my wife to give birth.
Back story... sitting in the garden, social distancing bbq. One of our mates has a baby who was looking for food and such. I came out with a pack of skips crisp. Baby’s mum said ‘gotta be careful, it’s got salt in it’,
To my amazement I said ‘ they contain salt!’
To which my partner replies... why do u think there so addictive’
With out thinking i spluted’ so if I put salt on my dick it will be ad-dick-tive!
No one laughed but me.
Always give 100% in life.
Except if you are giving blood.
Whenever I find a difficult level on a game I give up and go search for a walkthrough in order to clear it.
I really should get past this phase.
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...
I guess that's the Fisher Price.
When the cashier gives your change only in smallest cents in the country
Why are you so re-cent-ful of me?
I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.
Before my operation last week, the nurse wanted to know if I could give them a contact number in case of an emergency...
My wife and I got in a big argument over how she wanted to give birth.
It was our first midwife crisis.
I'd give my left bladder to be better in anatomy class.
Why did the nurse give Viagra to all the old men in the nursing home?
.
.
.
To keep them from rolling over and falling off the bed. Kick stand.
I was going to give the lady in Lavaridge her Pokemon back..
But I thought, "Wynaut? I'll just keep it."
I used to work in a muffler shop, but I had to give it up...
because it was exhausting.
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
If you give Dwayne Johnson an athletic slap in the butt
You’re hitting rock bottom
What do you give a cow that's in pain?
As a struggling dry alcoholic, I had a few dreams where I didn't give in to drinking last night
What sucks you in and gives you nothing in return!?
People who give me dirty looks when I breastfeed in public need to stop
What I'm doing is natural and it strengthens the bond I have between me and my girlfriend
I don't c the point in alaphabet jokes but, a I guess u got to give m a chance
this joke is so bad that it deserves an f
Judge: I've decided to give your ex $3,000 in child support.
Me: Thank you, your honor. I'll also try to give her something myself.
In the song “The devil went down to Georgia”, what did the devil give Johnny?
A u-seless fiddle (sorry if you haven’t heard the song, check it out, is lovely).
So I bought tickets to the new football game but my wife is expecting to give birth that evening is anyone interested in being at the birth?
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.
Some nice wood in my mouth always gives me a buzz...
So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?
I was rushing to the hospital because my wife was about to give birth. We didn’t make it there in time and she gave birth to a boy in my car.
I decided to call him Carson.
I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: "What does surrender mean?" I said: "I give up!"
I'm driving my wife to the hospital since shes in labor, Unfortunately she gives birth in the car to a baby boy.
The first one says “bro give me up please” just in case you don’t understand my handwriting
I work in a nursing home. A diabetic schizophrenic I always give sugar free life savers to just said, "You haven't brought me any damn candy all day!" I replied, " I just got here, you need to be patient."
She said,"I am a damn patient!!"
Why did the dad give away every stool in his house?
Because he was donating them to
chair-ity.
Guys give me some good KNEE puns. Yes, i am In-Knee-ciating, this because i really knee-d it
What's the first thing the teacher gives you in clown school?
Cricket players involved in match fixing are sure to give you a run for your money.
The bass notes in classical music give me a headache
My doctor says it's just lower Bach pain.
The floor indicator light in the elevator of my local office is broken and rarely gives the correct floor number...
It's wrong on so many levels.
In chemistry today, a girl asked if she should give her data table a title.
I told her that "Earl of Data Table" had a nice ring to it, but she should check to make sure it is of noble dissent first.
She rolled her eyes, but the cute girl next to her laughed.🤗
If your Mother doesn’t give you a gift in return today, you’re allowed to take yours back and keep it for yourself.
After all, it is Sunday, too.
Why don't teachers give out 'E's in grade school?
Because, they're afraid that if they ran out, they'd be in grad school.
Did you know that a woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds?
I have a backpack that lets me drink water while I hike. I've been debating returning it, but decided to give it another go. Yesterday I put a new straw in it, and now the straw is completely stuck and the backpack is unusable. I'm definitely returning it now.
It was the straw that broke the CamelBak.
I have to keep the temperature in my house warm at night because cold air gives me atheism attacks...
...it makes me Confucian all night long.
Who gives you a ride in a pinch?
Rick astley will give you any movie in his pixar collection
But he will never give you UP
While in the bathroom, my wife said, "Honey can you give me a q-tip?"
"Capitalize Q when it's at the beginning of a sentence."
SO: did they give you something for bug bites in the shop?
Me: No, I had to pay for it
Did you hear about the first guy to give a cold shoulder while crawling around in duct work?
It was quite the in vent shun.
Daddy deserves a spanking for that joke.
The Chicken Dominator pizza that Domino's sells in my country is an excellent nickname to give to an S&M dungeon master.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
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