Generous Puns

And orders everyone around.

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

A Cilanthropist

A real stand-up guy

He's never gonna give you 'Up'

Cher

Wife: ok, please don’t snore

My dad walks into poundland to buy one item and pays with one pound and then turns to the cashier and says "keep the change" and walks out the shop all smug.

Well, when you ask them who their favorite composer is, they all say Bach.

It is difficult to calculate 20% in Imperial System

>!This is a play on the word "tipping", which means....(A)Pushing a cow over.............(B)Tipping a generous amount of 20% after dinner!<

I said, “Yes please.”

Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.

Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.

It seems like a which hunt.

You know Erin, I keep giving you away but they keep giving you back

I felt generous so I gave him a couple glasses of water.

Orders a single beer and leaves 200 USD

Bartender: Wow! That's way too generous! Iceberg: That's just the tip of an iceberg!

I have always wanted to be generous to a fault.

Because they're generous seeders, and they have to be tried by a jury of their peers.

What supermarket has the most generous portions?

Giant food.

Which one has the most carefully measured portions?

Safeway (safe weigh).

What's the most deceptive supermarket?

Food lion.

And the worst rated one?

Aldi's (All D's).

Mr. Sterling Frogsen was desperate. After a few months of success, his bakery was beginning to flounder and running in the red. He was a proud man who was proud of starting his small business without asking for any help. But now times were tough and he had to face the fact that without a loan his bakery was doomed.

So he went to local bank but was disheartened to see that the loan officer was the notorious Patricia Wacomb, the hard-nosed banker who only agreed to sure bets and rarely took risks.

"Please, ma'am, I am in sore need of this loan! My bakery is only going through a temporary setback!" Normally such pleas fell on deaf ears, but today Patricia was feeling generous. Something about Mr. Frogsen moved her and she believed his plight.

"Mr. Frogsen, I would approve this loan, but this bank cannot afford to take any risks."

"Is there anything you can do, Ms. Wacomb? I am desperate!"

"Well, do you have any collateral?"

"Only this family heirloom," Sterling responded while handing Patricia his prized family treasure. Patricia was at a loss, however, for she had never seen anything like that before.

"Let me ask my manager," she responded as she showed her director the prized heirloom. His eyes opened wide in amazement as he told her,

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack, now give the Frog a loan!"

Ruth and I, we were perfect together. She made me a better person. I was kind, generous, and understanding when I was with her.

But now that she's left me, I am Ruth-less.

I was at an event where Bill Bryson was speaking and he told this story about his father.

We were going to the San Andres Fault and when we got there we were all taking in this incredible scar running across the landscape and my father suddenly throws a quarter into the fault. When we looked at him confused, he just said, "I've always strove to be generous to a fault."

Ellen de generous

9 month old is trying to be generous, and puts teething toys (or anything he can grab) in other people's mouths. It's very nice.

He had one of the dog's tennis balls, and tried to put it in this giant stuffed moose's mouth.

Me to wife: "He seems so concerned that it's not eating."

Wife to me: "Well, he hasn't eaten in years."

Me to wife: "He can't eat any more, he's stuffed."

I went and saw author Bill Bryson speak last night and he told us how his dad used to make the most wonderful puns. I'll paraphrase best I can:

They had traveled from Iowa to California on vacation, and they were driving along the coast. They stopped at an informational plaque at the San Andreas Fault, and his dad walked straight up to the huge crack in the ground and threw a quarter in. When the kids asked why he did that, he simply responded "I've always wanted to be generous to a fault."

It was generously given to me by someone else