My Pokémon go password was published online
Now I gotta catch the mole
I got caught playing pokémon go outside my crush’s bedroom window and they asked me what I wanted
What's a Pokémon's favourite type of nut?
Why is Pikachu the #1 Pokémon?
Because if he was #2, he’d be Poopachu.
What's a Pokémon that sneezes a lot?
My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Always part of a classical dish
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
Scientist have actually discovered a feline-like life-form on Mars! But unfortunately, one of their rovers ran over it, and
Curiosity killed the cat :(
I watched a Cyberpunk 2077 gameplay video and there were lots of bugs in it.
There was a bug where an NPC in the game just phases through a door like there’s nothing right there.
Guess that’s what you get when watching a walkthrough gameplay video.
How does a Pokémon with a cold sneeze?
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
What is a pirate's favorite Pokémon?
Arrrrrrrrrbok
My son made this up and I've never been more proud!
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns ? I'm trying to think of any words that have..
My Daughter says to me at dinner " Hey Dad, your glass is empty, would you like another one of those ? "
..why would I want two empty glasses..!?
What is the opposite of isolate?
My friend made a lot of money selling viagra
I told him to keep it up!
How do you get a Pokémon on a bus?
You poke em on! Am I relevant yet?
My wife has accused me of stealing her Thesaurus....
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
Someone has glued my pack of cards together...
I don't know how to deal with it.
My cousin has a crippling, irrational, fear of being beaten up by Mexicans.
….so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.
I googled "What can you make with 50kg of sulfur?"
What does Brock from pokémon browse reddit on
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
I’m doing a run of Pokémon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
I saw a pack of gummy worms that said “No artificial flavor.”
Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …
Every time I post on r/dadjokes, someone comments with a better version of my joke
I guess I suffer from premature ejokeulation
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