I was walking past a shop, and there was a classic bomb in the window Beside it was a sign that read "$1, irreplaceable fuse"

I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Secretseacrits549
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I just bought a case of dynamite. It was an offer I couldn't re-fuse.

Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this to blow up

πŸ‘︎ 401
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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If someone gave you $1,000,000 to replace their fuse...

would you refuse?

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theeclat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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What does a Blacksmith say to his apprentice after he fuses metal.

Weld-done lad, weld-done.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Replacing a fuse box with a breaker box to add value to your house?

No one would re-fuse that!

  • Said by my brother-in-law to my uncle before Christmas dinner.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterWharf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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I've finally fused marijuana with hard liquor!

Go on, take pot shots at my invention!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."

Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s kind of.. Kung-Fusing
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1ky1e1
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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This pun's the absolute Bomb
πŸ‘︎ 554
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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What's more effective than a heat-seeking missile?

A heat-seeking hittle

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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A mad bomber walks into a bar . . .

He lit the fuse on his bomb and the bartender sprayed him with water from the soda-gun, dousing the bomb and putting out the fuse. The bartender said, β€œI foiled your plan mad bomber now get out before I call the cops!!” The mad bomber re-fused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I had no idea how my wife melted all those pennies together

It was coin-fusing

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oogway_1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.

It was toucan fusing.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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I’m going to open a hotel for hunters that looks like an airplane.

I’m going to call it The Fuse Lodge.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RailSAndAles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DONT_PM_MEH_PLEES
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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I was trying to fix a safety switch myself but couldn't find the right part

It was an off-er I couldn't re-fuse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyond_hate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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A symphony of groan.

At the dinner table.

Mother in law: "...he has recently had two surgeries to fuse his lower vertebrae, his recovery has been quite slow"

Me: "Well I would expect nothing less after having back to back operations."

after about 4 seconds people started leaving the table.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mactonite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
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Why couldn't the lab assistant understand the wet nuclear physicist?

Because he was soakin' fusing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomatillojoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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Dad at dinner

Getting dinner ready an my father gives myself and my SO some garlic bread.

Dad: "so how's that garlic bread?"

Me: "good, although it's gone"

Dad: "so I guess you could call it gone-lic bread?"

Earlier that night texting him because we are running behind to come for dinner I text him: "sorry running behind, killed a fuse and need to pick up kitten food" His response: "As long as it didn't kill the kitten and needed fuse food!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devium92
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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(At the vet) β€œDoctor, my two pet birds seemed to be stuck together. What is going on?”

Vet: I have no idea. It’s toucan fusing.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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