I had a day dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda.
It was more of a fanta sea.
What should you do if your omelette starts floating?
It might interest you to know that French Fries have never even been made in France.
They've only ever been made in Greece.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
Anyone interested in buying my Delorean? Great condition, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
Interesting rating method
You are a graduate of accounting and can't even tell when your SO is losing interest... smh
What do you call a guy who can't float?
Why do dogs float on water so easily?
Because they're good buoys.
if someone drinks the same tea every day with no interest in trying any new blends
[Dark] Reports came out that suicide rates actually dropped during the pandemic despite people's worst fears. I guess it's true what they say...
I invested in a bank that gave 0% interest.
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
3 ants named A, B, and C were all males. Which one floats the best?
My dad used to hit me with cameras
I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?
He said "There was a sail."
How would you guys rate today?
I'd say it's a perfect 5/7
That's some interesting cheese
Chemistry professor: Is it a good or bad thing that ice is less dense than (floats in) water?
Me: It wasn't good for the Titanic.
What do you call an alligator interested in detective work?
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
What American President had the highest approval rating among pirates?
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
When I post a joke and no one rates...
I just assume they all died from laughter.
Why was the movie about camping fiddlers rated R?
Human interest for 2021 Lent
A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.
This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...
I was laying on the couch and my fiancé said “I thought you said you were interesting”
I said no honey, I said I was into resting.
Why do trans girls float on water?
How do you make a root beer float?
Give him a lifejacket!
From my 7 yr old.
What do you call a floating joke?
How do you tell the sex of an ant? You drop it in water. It sinks: girl ant. It floats:...
Interesting fact, Bruce Lee has a vegan brother
been an hour, either blew her Sock-rates off or id better Apollo-gize
I've given up on reprimanding my floating safety markers
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs and he’s floating in your pool?
Bob.
(It’s padre’s birthday and he just dug that one out of the depths of his memory...)
Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..
.. really only driven from time to time.
I had this dream, where I was floating in this ocean made up of orange soda
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea
Why do dogs float in water?
Because they’re good buoys
Why do dogs float in water?
Because they're good buoys.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
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