It's just a fig mint of my imagination
It was a fig meant for my imagination.
Son: what did the fig say to the table?
Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?
Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.
Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!
Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I could get as many figs as I wanted in high school.
If Eve wore a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden...what did Adam wear?? A hole in the fig leaf.
We went on a date.
Fig Puckers
I earned an arm punch from my girlfriend with this one
dad: Pear with fig make a great pair *wink wink*
daughter: go figure
Telling a big fig!
My grandpa had a date with an old prune. He said it was really sweet.
But his brother Fig was kinda fruity!
My 32-year-old son just came up with that joke! Proud moment happening right there!
... when something falls out of the tree and hits him on the head.
He picks up the fallen object and examines it, then declares, “Why, some invisible force must have pulled this apple to the ground!”
A passerby overhears the famed scientist, then mutters, “Fucking idiot doesn’t know one fruit from another,” before shouting, “Hey! That’s a fig, Newton!”
His name was Fig.
Next, I’m going to try a fig.
Coming up with pastry puns is easy as pie. Seriously, it's a cakewalk. Carrots and nuts can loaf around but figs are barred. I'm on a roll here, but I gotta stop, turnover a new leaf. One cannoli hope. Scone be pretty hard, dough.
They must be a fig-ment of my imagination.
Adam and Eve were spending time together, and it started to get hot and heavy. When Eve tells Adam to stop, he asked what's wrong? She sits up and pulls a fig from behind her back and says I don't wanna have sex on the first date
"Oh, Alcoholicia, I have a hell of a time with them - they just keep going off every time I pick one up." - Dad.
"Oh well maybe I shouldn't buy one if I can't fig... Wait. Oh my God, Dad, you're so embarrassing." - Me
Me "I can't stand Cam Newton."
Dad "What about his brother Fig?"
My dad was watering a few young fig trees and wondered why some of them weren't growing as fast. I responded with, "I guess it's something you really should FIGure out." A chuckle was had by my dad, which is all that counted.
