I felt a sense of familiarity when I got into my buddy's tan car but I've never ridden it before,

guess I got beigΓ©-Γ -vu!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vampirecookie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Familiarity Breeds Contempt

My friend's family has a dog named Sugar. Her dad answered the door and I walked inside. Me: "Hey Sugar!" Her Dad: "Don't call me Sugar, I don't know you that well."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizza2004
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
🚨︎ report
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language

I don’t know why.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone knows Las Vegas is Sin City but are you familiar with Den City?

Mass over volume.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you familiar with Orion’s Belt?

... huge waste of space.

Sorry, that joke wasn’t very good... three stars.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone knows about Murphy's Law where anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's mostly made of cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amon-Re-72
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If you notice a terrible smell that you're familiar with...

Did you reekognize it?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearfeedmitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday

She lost her hearing.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeSayAye
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Homelander ("superhero") have to be careful not to jostle his milk?

He knows milkshakes bring The Boys to the yard.

Hopefully you're familiar with the comic/show

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A judicious use of the board.
πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Are any of you guys familiar with fly fishing?

I hear you need a REALLY tiny hook to catch one.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGuyWithThePie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
As a Catholic I don't feel familiar around mosques.

They just don't ring any bells.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koala_J
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys are familiar with Freudian slips right?

It’s when you say one thing, but mean your mother.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How do lawyers say goodbye ?

I'll be suing ya !

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What would you call a familiar scent?

It’s nose-talgic.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sabredrako
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The T-Rex lumbered over the ridge and looked down at the numerous plant-eaters grazing in the lush, green valley. "This place is familiar," he said,

"I've eaten herbivore."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyOatey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Need Help Identifying a Dad Joke

When going through some of my deceased father's things, I found a card that says "Gold Mouse Story" and "Do you have a little gold Mexican?". This is sort of a shorthand he used to jot down jokes on index cards - a short description and the punchline.

I have no idea what this might refer to so I am asking here. Does this sound familiar? I apologize in advance if it turns out to be racist!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fleurreddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Grandpa jokes are different than Dad jokes, but I think we're all familiar.

I was walking into the Dunkin Donuts this morning for some coffee and passed an older man as he was leaving.

"Sorry, they're all out of donuts!" he told me.

But like, they weren't out of donuts.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apollo_loves_you
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Why was the writer comfortable in the army?

He was familiar with the magazines.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconReign
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was walking down the street, I ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, β€œI piy the fool!”

I said, β€œHey, you missed a T.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
In my Neuroanatomy lecture today. Professor: "Are you familiar with the nucleus ambiguus?"

My loud response: "It's ambiguous!"

crickets

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HammerLite75
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
🚨︎ report
One horse said to another:

Your pace is familiar but I don't remember the mane.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GobAteMyHamster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad lives in the town of Macomb Illinois, a lot of people aren't familiar with the location...

When people ask where to find Macomb he'll usually respond with 'in mapocket, next to mabrush' gets me every time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokesinquantity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I started a band called 999 megabytes.

We still haven't gotten a gig yet.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NonstopSuperguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do other Green Lanterns recognize each other?

They all have a familiar ring to them.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kittiekillbunnie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Dads on Dungeons and Dragons

Dad: I see you're playing Dungeons and Dragons, is your character a dwarf?

Me: I'm playing a Gnome dad... we've been over this

Dad: I'm sorry - I must not be familiar with the... Gnomenclature

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrYogurt1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new model S that Tesla came out with?

It can go by itself. It's the model S Car Go.

It sounded way better in my head.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxsxmxixtxhxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Plague inc is a sick game
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesuscristIJB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter will be a great dad someday

Last night, I tried to tell my 10 year old daughter the classic "Kangaroo walks into a bar" joke. For those who are not familiar, a version of this. I got to the point where the Kangaroo orders the first beer, and my daughter interrupted me with "let me guess - the beer wasn't hoppy enough." Nope. But I like the way she thinks!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeDC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
2 fish are swimming and the bang into a wall.

One fish turns to another and says:

Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I'll remember to check it out, dad

So my dad texted me with some movie recomendations

Dad:"have you seen Momento? It's about a guy who loses his short term memory"

Me:"Sounds familiar but I'll check it out. Is it on Netflix?"

Dad:"Yeah. it's a thriller where the story goes backwards"

Five minutes later....

Dad:"Have I told you about the movie where a guy loses his short term memory?"

God dammit dad...

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AssRabbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on my front porch?

Mat!

my father loves these jokes back in the day. whos familiar with them all?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/angrydispatcher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
🚨︎ report
This is precious

An hobbituary to Tolkien appeared in each of the major newspapers, all had a familiar ring to them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I am only familiar with 25 letters of the English Alphabet

I don't know why!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanguard_The
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm only familiar with 25 letters in the alphabet

I don't know why

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Notenoughspac363
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the English Alphabet

I don’t know y

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eprick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaiaHarris03
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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