Face card Puns

He was in tiers

A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping

Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|

Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.

People often come up to me with their debit card and ask: "is there any money on my card?" To which I respond, "no.", without pulling up their accounts.

When they look at me with a confused face I give them their card back with a penny set on top of it.

"There! Now there is money on your card!"

I was getting my card ready to swipe, and the cashier said "strip facing me" and I said "you want me to do WHAT?" He nervously laughed and my wife was very disappointed in me.

Full disclosure: I am a dad

After receiving the bill at a restaurant, my grandpa would put his BC Care Card face down so that all you could see was the magnetic stripe.

After trying to run it through a few times, the server would flip the card over and realize his "mistake".

The server would return to the table, embarrassed for this senile old man, and explain that he gave her his Care Card by mistake.

My grandpa would then wink and say "I just wanted to show you I Care."

Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."

My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."

I opened the drive thru window to take his card and I got a bit light headed. I took a step back and balanced myself and waited for it to pass. After it did I took the man's card and said "sorry I got vertigo for a second" and he replied with "where do you gotta go?" With a big grin on his face. It took me a second to catch the wordplay but it made my night