It usually resulted in a long sentence.
WOW....I'm cured.
He gave me a kite
It was manslaughter!
I said, "I'd drink to anything."
Guess I just have great Thyme management.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
It’s a heavy problem
Me: It’s okay. I can come back when you are sober.
I just came up w it today and I’m proud of it ok bye
He chalked himself to death.
... fully lawful to feel awful after getting full off all that falafel.
You Taiwan on!
Her: How expensive?
Me: I dunno. Maybe $25,000.
Her: You could buy a car for that!
Me: That's a bit excessive -- I don't think it needs its own car.
I guess I'm just full of shit.
My wife is going to see a nutritionist to see how her diet can affect the fetus. As she was heading out the door, I said, "Hope your appointment is fruitful!"
She glared as she closed the door.
He had an excessive amount of carrion luggage.
The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says “I know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist “How did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says “Oh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”
It was an excessive use of horse.
Because they leave your waterfowl, the bill is always on the front end, and they have excessive plumbers quack.
I was joking that my probable cause of death was going to be strangulation by my fiance from excessive dad jokes. This was her reply to it, so I had to do it. When they find my body, tell them it was suicide :P
Her: Come hear so I can strangle you
Me: [ear emoji] Ear you go
Me: No, I’m sure he’s going to heaven. Can you fix his excessive slobbering?
Q: What do you do if a piece of purple fruit gets stuck in the drain and clogs it?
A: Call the plumber.
Q: What do you do if you live in a purple house and the lights go out?
A: Go to the fuchsia box.
Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?
A: Make them do limeout.
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
(I've posted these on various places on the web outside of Reddit over the years under various screen names.)
They have excess XS.
I was driving to the gym with him and saw a big hole where some cobstruction* was under way for a new building. I thought it was strange that there weren't any piles with the excess dirt, and said "I wonder what they do with all of the dirt."
My dad had a pretty solid grasp on things- "I think they bury it"
- Construction. Leaving the typo so comments on it make sense.
I was having dinner with a friend's family. Her grandmother starts telling us about her secret to cooking digestible beans. She says the secret is to boil them with a little baking soda to release excess gas.
Her dad is listening and perks up when she says this. "you know her real secret right? She only cooks 239 beans at a time"
We all look at him puzzled, grandma included.
"Well if she cooked one more they would be too farty!" (240)
So I asked for a bowl or dish to scoop up the excess sauce into.
My aunt handed me a little tiny plate and said "Its not a bowl, but this should do"
"That's okay, this SAUCE-er will work just fine!"
They loved it.
So the joke goes "You know, James Madison was a naturalist. A lot of people don't know that. He really loved the environment and care a lot about wildlife. In fact, he tried to put protecting wildlife into the bill of rights, but a lot of people don't know that he was dyslexic too. So when he was writing the 2nd amendment he wrote the right to bear arms, but what he meant was the right to arm bears!"
Just went on a tour of revolutionary battlegrounds (truly amazing if you ever get the chance) and that joke was told in excess of 50 times, no exaggeration.
Whenever her boyfriend would go to buy something at a convenience store, the clerk would ask if he wanted a receipt. He would always say "Nein." My friend would respond with, "Nine? That's a lotttt of receipts. Don't you think that's a little excessive?"
Man: No worries. I’ll come back when you are sober.
