Enema Puns

He said it was a coolin-off-scopy.

I’d tell him to shove it!

It's a real paint in the ass.

As the tech was anesthetizing the cat, the vet said, "Let's get this potty started!"

With friends like that, who needs enemas?

But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

I told the clerk I’d like to try some of their finest beers and that I’d put enema order soon

With friends like that, who needs enemas?

Enemas, people needed to just let some shit go.

It's my worst enema.

Can’t decide whether I want to try enemas.

Like to call this feeling a dilenema.

...would that make them enemas of the state?

I told him "today you've made a powerful enema."

...and their enemas even closer.

A couple puns.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other

My wife was complaining of constipation- when in reality she was in labor. "Can you pick me up an enema or suppository?"

Without skipping a beat, I said "of course- sit tight!"

I answered the phone to:

"Hello, this is Doctor [Redacted], I was calling to speak with Lyssa_Ray."

"Hello Grandpa..."

"Yes, we wanted to follow up with you regarding your enema; did you want a cold water enema or a hot water enema?"

"I don't want any enemas!"

"Well, Lyssa_Ray, in this life we do not always get what we want, or even what we need, sometimes all we get is a pain in the butt."

Sigh...

So my friend and I are on vacation, on our way back to our hotel my friend starts complaining about the galaxy s5's autocorrect.

His dad turns around and says, "I know, it's my mortal enema."

With friends like that who needs enemas?