Emotional intimacy Puns

My second time getting back into the bowl, I’m realizing I want to find an SD I can develop a long-lasting friendship with, someone who I like being around. To me, that’s not no-strings-attached. There’s some degree of emotional intimacy and commitment required to have a working friendship with mutual benefits (physical intimacy, sugar).I am wondering how realistic it is that I could find this kind of emotional intimacy in the bowl. Has anyone else found it?

Every pot SD I talk to tells me they want something long term, something based in friendship and companionship, but they also want NSA. I don’t understand how this is possible, so they not understand what NSA is? Do I not understand what NSA is? I’m left feeling confused about what they want, and unsure if we are a good match.

TL:DR (if you don’t want to read the 70+ comments) No one defines NSA in a consistent way, best bet is to have a detailed conversation with someone who says they want that on what it means to them.

So I finally understand that I’m not meant to date while I’m young and I’m just gonna wait it out and hope girls view me as an option in my early thirties. Unfortunately that’s over a decade away so I need to find some way to distract myself or at least make those feeling feel less intense.

I already have friends, a job, hobbies, and I’m a student so it’s not like I’m not busy enough to keep myself preoccupied, but I still crave a romantic partner every single day.

How do I remove these desires I until dating is actually an option for me?

Legit I'm so confused rn...help!! TIA!

This pattern has repeated itself 3 times in the past few months for me now and the most recent one was probably the most painful yet, since I liked her by far the most out of everyone I met here.

I go on a date with a woman, we vibe well, meet up a couple times more, talk a lot, get physically and emotionally closer, exchange intimate information about each other, maybe even be a tiny bit vulnerable, have sex multiple times and all of that, but after the second or third date or so I notice a loss of interest on their side that manifests itself by them

• not trying to initiate contact. I have to be the one to text them
• not trying to set up next dates. I always have to be the one doing it.
• not trying to learn anything new about me, in general lack of interest about me, what I'm doing, what I'm feeling
• no or little expression of appreciation of me, our time together, 'looking forward to seeing you again!', whatever

These hints are not obvious and become worse over time. If at this point I try to set up next dates or text them asking stuff, we meet up again or keep talking, with no real obvious hint that something's wrong.

But if at any moment I stop, we both just sort of ghost each other and she doesn't seem to mind/care.

The first of these encounters eventually texted a sort of 'I cant date anyone right now' message, the two after it just turned into ghosting and them eventually removing our matches in the OLD portals where we met / deleting my phone number.

Just for further information, the time period we are talking about here from first meeting to last is between two to four weeks, with anywhere from 3 to 5 or 6 dates. I'm in my thirties and generally date within 5 years of my age. And these three weren't the only people I met recently by far, just the ones where there seemed to be some connection.

The really soul crushing aspect is that with how positive and well the the dates themselves go, you would have no idea it was soon to end. No matter how much vibing and compatibility there seems to be, it all turns into nothing, I'm really left wondering "How is it possibly ever supposed to work out? If this isn't good enough, what is going to be"?. I feel like I'm a pastime for them, but not valuable enough as a person to make a dent in their hearts and soon to be replaced by the next guy on the list.

I used to be pretty relaxed about it but I'm not going to lie, it's getting to me and my mental health.

Have any of you had similar experie

She even sent the its not you its me/i'm not ready for a relationship text afterwords. What has the world come to?

Head game was on point tho.

In short, I don’t react. I just kind of freeze up, sometimes I chuckle awkwardly or deadpan a ‘why though?’

I remember distinctly my freshman year I was asked if I liked anyone and I said; “you mean do I have romantic feelings for someone?” I got a lot of shit for that, understandably.

I prefer to keep people at a distance, but when I do like someone I put on the smart and well rounded/funny charm. It’s just very rare that I do. I get very uncomfortable when things go deep into emotions and outside my interests.

Anyone relate?

I’m (28m) really trying to receive advice on how to be more emotionally intimate with my wife (28f) because it’s something I’ve really came to the conclusion I’m bad at. We’ve been together for 9 years and have kids along with the obvious day to day things all of us with careers and kids deal with. Physical intimacy is something I’m very good at BUT it does cause some issues here and there because my libido is a lot higher than hers and even though she appreciates I’ve never lost interest sexually she has said she really wants me to be more aware emotionally with her and the kids. She’s very open to my “ideas” in the bedroom which of course make me happy and honestly I’ve been terrible at learning to do what she’s been asking of me. Of course every relationship is different but are there some general things I can do to at least start making progress? Not only for her and the kids but to better myself as a father and husband.

For me, idk if it's weird but I feel like becoming one with the person... idk how to explain.. it's really deep. What are your thoughts? Please feel free to share.

In all reality, I just don't want to see Will jump into being a cold blooded killer with little motive because we all know that's not who he actually is, though he is a killer. I really enjoy herringbone but am not as fond of fics like a great and gruesome height.

We've been together for a long time but it has mostly been LDR and we been busy with our own lives most of the time so we haven't had much quality time together. Now that we're in the same city, we are starting to work on our relationship and i find that when we talk and interact, she doesn't let herself out at all. I can see sadness in her face and eyes and everytime I ask if everything's alright she says she's okay. I do make it seem like I'm open to talk about whatever it is but she never seems to let out her feelings and be intimate with me.

I approached her about this and she said that she doesn't let herself out to anyone unless she knows that the other person has a greater chance of fixing her emotions than herself. That's just the type of person she is. Hence that's why I think she hasn't really opened up to me in months.

She has her exams rn so ig we will continue to talk about this later but is her trust in me gone? Did I become too needy and clingy and untrustworthy of a boyfriend that I can't help unload her feelings? I know I shouldn't be thinking that there's a problem with me cuz we're all humans after all. But I can't tell whether what she says is mature or immature.

I take it that she doesn't open up to me meaning, she doesn't want to progress emotional intimacy with me. That's how I voice it. How can I fix that? She did say she wants to take things slow cuz that's the kind of person she is, but I wanna see our relationship progress cuz it's been years since we've been together but it feels like we've only spent maybe 2 months of quality time together.

Tldr: girl wants to take it slow, doesn't open up emotionally while I want to progress our relationship by taking the best actions possible for the relationship to grow

In my latest epiphany about AT, I have realised that I actually struggle to be emotionally intimate with APs more than any other attachment style.

I say this as a secure-leaning AP myself, but while APs are in general happy to share about themselves (and oversharing is something I have had to actively work), I struggle to be open and honest about my feelings and struggles with the APs in my life, more so than the avoidants.

In my experience, when I share with a non-secure leaning AP one of the following happens: they try to fix it (when I just want to vent); they internalise it/take it as a personal criticism; or they get overly concerned and I end up supporting them being worried about me. In short, it ends up being emotionally draining when what I was looking for was support.

I actually find the avoidants in my life easier to talk to because they let me speak without providing solutions, and aren't overly cloying afterwards (sometimes they could do with providing a bit more follow-up/aftercare, but that's a separate issue).

All the AP traits I've described above are things I know I have done in the past, and I realise now how that might have put people off sharing with me. It's all stuff I've been working on anyway as part of addressing my anxiety and codependency, and I hope it's not something I do as much anymore (I still need to work on the not trying to fix things bit), but I thought I'd share it, partly to capture my thoughts and partly in case it helps others.

For the past three years, I [25, F] have been in a long-distance 'situationship' (a relationship, but one person does not want to put labels). I suspect that my person has an avoidant personality (he is very independent, and wants to be self-sufficient), while I am on the opposite spectrum (I crave close relationships, emotional intimacy).

I genuinely believe that the love is there, and he doesn't want to lose me. But I feel very unfulfilled due to the lack of emotional intimacy. I am contemplating getting out of this situation for good, however, I am also considering if we can build a future together (provided that we are both willing to sacrifice).

Also, we are currently living in different countries and he is making plans to relocate to the country that I am in (he has the paperwork in place). If he is truly just scared of being vulnerable, I think this shows huge progress on his part.

Is there anyone who has been in a situation like mine? Did your relationship change over time? And finally, do you feel that the effort/sacrifice was worth having this person in your life?

We're both 36, and we met online in June. We've seen each other about a dozen times - games, hiking, day trips, nice restaurants, you name it - and we have great conversations. It's usually a good sign when you meet at a restaurant around 6pm and then lose track of your surroundings until the place starts to close up for the night.

Unfortunately things have been moving a lot more slowly on the physical side - no sex, and not much intimacy in general. Generally speaking I'm not in a big hurry to get women into bed, but normally if there isn't at least progress toward sex by date 4 or 5 then I take it as a bad sign and move on. But dammit, good emotional connections are hard to find and not to be passed up lightly!

A few weeks ago I told her how I felt - I'm attracted to her, I feel great about our emotional connection, I want to pursue a relationship, but physical intimacy is important to me. Her response was a bit vague - she agreed that we have a good emotional connection and that the lack of a physical connection was a cause for concern, but wasn't sure why she wasn't ready for more. We have made some small progress since then, but I can tell that she's still holding back.

So of course I should talk to her about it again, and I will when I see her again soon. But I haven't really been in this position before, and it would help if I knew what I can reasonably expect.

Here are a few of my theories:

• She's not physically attracted to me
• She has some concern about me or our relationship
• She has some concern about the idea of being in a relationship, and isn't interested in casual sex
• She is interested in physical intimacy, but we've mostly been going out rather than hanging out at home
• She just isn't that interested in physical intimacy in general
• She is interested in physical intimacy, but is dealing with a mental or physical problem that makes it hard for her

Obviously if she's not attracted to me, or isn't interested in physical intimacy generally, then there's not a whole lot I can do. In some of the other scenarios, maybe more patience and communication will help.

What do others think? Anyone been in a similar position? Is there cause for hope?

-----

Update: Thanks all for the analysis and suggestions. There were a number of recommendations of the form "Invite her over for dinner and a movie, and see what happens" - this turned out to be good advice, in this instance. The result was a lot of cuddling and intense making out,

We need to acknowledge our hypervigilance about dating and relationships. It speaks to where we were hurt before or where we felt like a fool. This lack of forgiveness of our younger self wreaks havoc in our current dating. If no matter what, we keep coming up with something else to be afraid of, that’s fear, not our inner voice.

It's healthy to be aware of red flags or what I call code amber and red alerts. This is especially so if we have a frustrating and painful dating cycle.

But much of our anxiety in dating and relationships actually comes from ignoring information from ourselves.

Of course we're going to be anxious if our pattern is to throw us under a bus every time we get a whiff of romantic possibility. Our body is braced for danger.

-Natalie Lue, from Podcast Ep. 246: Can We Know If a New Partner is Emotionally Available?

Title kind of says it all, but I'll expand. It's extremely hard for me to feel connected to anyone. I feel a certain coldness with people, like an invisible wall that exists between me and everyone. I see others being really expressive with their friends, kissing hugging and I want to be like that so bad, but my default is just saying hi or shaking hands and I hate it. I feel like I emmit a standoffish vibe. Yesterday I went out with my bf and his friend and my friend and I just saw how him and his friend were acting, really animated and making jokes. I must admit I got jealous. On the other hand me and my friend barely talked and we didn't even hug. I experience this with so many people. I've observed people being cold to me back and not talking a lot because I tend to not talk a lot. I don't have a best friend and I feel like I miss that. I don't have any long-standing friendship, whereas my bf has a lot of close friends and then some. I think I'll try being "warmer" towards people, but I'm afraid I'll come off as weird or like I'm faking. My bf and family think I'm doing fine but I've just always felt distant from everyone since childhood. I don't feel fulfilled with people. Usually I think they're the problem, but I've seen this story so many times that I've realized the issue must lie within me. How can I have meaningful relationships with people and feel close to them? I'm tired of no-one checking up on me, my phone never ringing. The only person I feel comfortable with is my boyfriend, he's the only one I love, but I'm tired of that. I want to have friends that I love and care about. How do I not get annoyed with everyone and push everyone away?

Part of me just thinks I am just really unlikable to people and I'll forever be cursed with feeling lonely. Another part of me thinks that I should try and socialize more and reach out more. I just don't know anymore. People tell me we're close and I never believe them. I always feel like an outsider. My family growing up used to tell me they love me so many times, because I never believed it. Of course, some of them abused me verbally and physically, so that's why I may not believe them still. But still, it's hard for me to feel connected.

Okay…

• I’m about 3/4 of the way through my night shift and I’ve already been up for longer than is healthy because of fucking Thanksgiving dinner (goddamned FaMiLiAl tRaDiTiOnS), so finding the right words to describe my feelings is going to be a struggle; please bear with me, I hope it’s okay to use this post as a bit of an outlet.

• Look, as a fucking 9w1, I couldn’t give less of a shit about an intensive experience of emotions as such intensity of feelings does more to rattle and piss me off; I’d much rather preserve a comfortable low of feeling (no, not emotional neutrality)— just want a live a comfortable, easy life and be a good person.

• I do genuinely care for other people, like, I feel for people who are suffering in any form and I yearn for people to be at an emotionally comfortable level— but if I’m to help people, it has to be fucking accepted that I feel more comfortable doing it in a largely detached sense— being a nonjudgmental listener, for example.

• No, I am fucking repulsed by being outwardly demonstrative of feelings and it annoys the goddamn hell out of me when people have expected me to be reciprocally theatrical in shared emotional vulnerabilities— I’m okay with having such things expressed to me, but I’d rather be like :| as much as possible.

• And no it’s not a damned matter of being this “still waters run deep” INFP— at best, my :| largely reflects what’s going on inside too; I don’t much give much of a fuck about a euphoria of feelings, just want to pursue experiences, interests, and ideals that help to preserve inward comfort.

Thank you.

If you grow up in a loving home, as a child you are given empathy and support. As you get older you learn how to do these things by their example, which allows you to get into healthy relationships as an adult. You are loved as a kid which makes finding love as an adult relatively accessible. On the other hand, if you don't grow up in a loving home then you aren't given the empathy and support. You grow up feeling like you can't trust or rely on anyone to help with your emotions. No one cares to listen so you never figure out how to express your emotions normally. There is no one to model what a healthy relationship looks like so its very difficult to develop those skills on your own. By the time you're an adult you are emotionally immature which people often perceive as you being an asshole. It becomes very difficult for that person to share any emotion without getting belittled, because they share it in such an immature irritating way.

Its just straight up unfair. You have a decent childhood where you're loved, and you get to have love as an adult as well. If you had a shitty childhood, then what? Hope you can afford a therapist and be able to force yourself to trust them. Very few people will give emotionally immature people sympathy, because quite frankly they are annoying as hell. I don't mean to say those people are in the wrong, its not their job to fix random people. All I mean is life is bullshit.

Almost two years out now from the start of the affair, however WH's words and actions during the aftermath created the greatest and most lasting damage (as often seems to be the case). There are multiple extreme fractures in our marriage now, however an area currently causing some of the greatest stress is sex.

We have engaged in sex off-and-on since the affair. Sometimes while completely and intentionally emotionally detached from one another, sometimes with only a one-sided attachment, and a few times that felt sincerely connected. For the last 2-3 months, however, anything more than a light touch or kiss on my forehead or cheek from WH starts sending me straight into panic mode.

Genuine reconciliation did not begin until very recently (as in a few months ago). This finally has brought into the open some new truths/understandings regarding the affair and his current state of mind, his opinion of and feelings towards me throughout our relationship before the affair, and the identity of his AP. I am also seeing that some attitudes and behaviors I previously attributed to WH's alcohol use are not actually tied directly to alcohol as he stopped drinking completely just before committing to reconciliation.

For several weeks he's been extremely patient with me regarding sex, however recently he's begun pushing for it more. The most recent time I ended up sobbing in a near breakdown state before he backed off. I know I need to learn to simply say "No" and place my boundary firmly, but I also know how harshly he takes sexual rejection and I don't want him to misinterpret my lack of current desire as a lack of interest in him or repairing our marriage.

I am interested, but I need to move slow. I need to feel like he's not just interested in satisfying physical urges because his body has registered it's close to a female and hasn't had intercourse recently. Sex is emotional and intimate for me. It's not just a release or a high. I need to know his sexual desire for me is coming from a genuine emotional connection. I need to know I'm special to him and worth choosing over any other option, not that he wants me just because I'm convenient or he doesn't think he can find someone else. I need to know he's interested in providing me pleasure because making me feel good brings him pleasure and excitement, not just because he wants to stroke his ego by showing off how good he is at sex or climax himself.

I'd like to sit down and discuss this calmly with him at a p

I guess for some background, I feel like ever since I was young I’ve lacked connection in the people around me.

Physical intimacy wise, I feel uncomfortable recieving hugs and thinking of situations where someone is cuddling with me. My only substitute for affection in my life is a baby yoda pillow LOL. On top of this, I hate the idea of anyone being sexually intimate with me. I mean, I identify as asexual but I still can feel horny or whatever, but because of my female and religious upbringing I’ve had a lot of shame with it and I’ve completely distanced myself from it.

Emotional intimacy wise, I have never had a crush or been remotely interested in anyone. I’ve only ever been in one relationship before, with a guy who used to be my best friend and is now basically my ex, and it ended pretty terribly. He used to love to shower me with compliments to help my self esteem but it made me very uncomfortable. I only got in the relationship because he was kind to me and I figured my care for him was romantic when it really wasn’t. I don’t even know if I’m aromantic.

After the relationship, I figured I was gay, since I identified as bi. For a while it really seemed that way. Though I saw that I had a lot of envy and jealousy for the women I thought were attractive, thus bringing up the “Do I want to be her or be WITH her” debate and sending me on a spiral.

I don’t think this is a thing I can sort out. I have no friends because disconnected from a toxic friend group, so no one cares about what I have to say or do. I feel like I’d want a lifelong partner of some sort, but I genuinely don’t think anyone would be interested in someone who’s aromantic, asexual, and not attractive. It makes me feel like some dysfunctional ape or some robot to feel this disconnected from people.

How do I even begin to cope with these circumstances?

I assume this is something to do with my cptsd. I am really at a loss for how to stop. I keep basically browbeating my partner over a lack of emotional presence between us. He has said he is overwhelmed because I have wanted to have so many emotionally oriented conversations that he just needs some time and space from it. And every night almost without fail, I will inevitably raise some issue about this. Last night it was about his avoidant attachment behavior and how I want us to both grow and need him to work on himself instead of blame his issues on me. Like, it's a totally valid thing that I want, but he cannot hear anything about it right now because I haven't been able to even go 24 hours without raising some heavier issue with him. I'm not arguing but he's not a deep, emotionally oriented person. He's fairly emotionally unavailable actually, hence my requests.

So anyway I don't know how to stop! I keep trying to just keep to myself. Or spend time doing what he likes and just keep things surface. But I keep falling into this communication style and then I get stuck and I'm very embarrassed and frustrated with myself for not being able to even give him 24 hours without this kind of pressure to be a deep emotional thinker.

I think maybe I just need more friends, but the lack of emotional presence between us has given me low self esteem and makes it hard to make friends without being needy. He's been a bit sick the last couple of months so he goes to work, comes home and sleeps, helps me parent and then maybe we have an hour or two together as not-parents and we never spend it having a "real" conversation. He doesn't ask about my internal world. He doesn't "really talk" to me. It's been like this for months. There are times he won't talk at all. He says he doesn't like to talk. So we sit in relative silence, but increasingly I am feeling dissatisfied and want something more connected.

(TW sex) For years early in our relationship I couldn't ever have sex without dissociating. Over time I've been able to stay present. And now I want to experience connected sex. But the emotional space between us is wooden, and it's hard to keep having sex in that environment. I keep trying to explain this and he doesn't do anything about it, but that might be bc I haven't given him time to sit with the information before I bring it up again. The fact that I say this is an issue and he's not changing it hurts my feelings and probably adds to my sense of urgency.

I'

I've been watching random episodes of the original show and I'm finding so many scenes that are just so touching. Gen Q hasn't managed to hit any considerable notes for me.

In 2x05 when Bette finds out about Tina's pregnancy and storms in looking for Shane but just finds Jenny and they have a real conversation.

In 3x06 when Shane tells Carmen that she fucked Cherie Jaffe. Carmen then starts to throw pizza at her and starts screaming, "Do you want sausage or pepperoni, what the fuck is it that you want!"

The best thing about the original is that all the characters actually spend time together as a group. They talk about each other's lives and problems. They make jokes and laugh. That's real intimacy to me.

Gen Q basically keeps cutting from one pairing to another. Nat and Alice. Alice and Sophie. Shane and Tess. Bette and Angie. Angie and Jordie. Dani and Bette. Bette and Gigi. Dani and Gigi. Finley and Sophie. Micah basically spent season 1 floating on his own.

There isn't room for long drawn out emotional conversations in Gen Q. There's only room for instant emotion and a cut to another set of characters.

There isn't room for long witty banters as a group. Like in 1x04 there was a scene that had:

• Alice, Dana, Bette and Tina teasing Shane about Lacey putting up posters of Shane.
• Then they talk about Dana and Lara's first date.
• Shane drops a line about Gabby treating Alice poorly. Bette and Tina give Alice a pep talk on how to break up with Gabby.
• Bette gets a call about her job. Alice then tells Bette that Peggy Peabody is in town.

That scene was almost 4 minutes long and the entirety of it was dialogue.

In comparison, the poker scene in episode 2 of Gen Q was basically 3 minutes of dialogue, most of which was unnecessary set up and there was a cut to Mical and Maribel in the middle.

Gen Q is just so disjointed.

This is part rant part desperate call for advice.

Us in short: We live about 300 miles apart and see each other once a month if we're lucky. Met online a little over a year ago. We have it better than most as far as distance goes, but we're both incredibly busy people and are lucky if we can talk more than twice a week (on call).

In short, my boyfriend seems to think its impossible to foster intimacy (emotional AND physical) from a distance or that it's so insignificant compared to what we have in person that it's not worth trying. I see it in a different light. I think it is possible and even if it isn't at the level as in person, it's still worth fighting for every little scrap. 95% of our lives and our relationship is from a distance. What relationship works by putting it on pause for 95% of the year?

Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else has struggled with this and would be willing to share what helped or hurt.

So I want to first say I’m not desperate or in a rush—I firmly believe that what’s meant to be mine will be mine in time. I’m in my early 20’s and I’ve never dated anyone before. I don’t think I’m an unattractive black young woman & I’m very open minded to dating outside my race since I grew up in Los Angeles. I just think it’s not my turn or the right time.

Anyway, sometimes I will have dreams about being with someone—I’ll never see his face, only hair color and sometimes I can determine his height as he usually is taller than me. I’ll dream that he is holding me in an inexplicably warm embrace & I am overwhelmingly content knowing that I am completely & utterly loved by him…..until I wake up. Sometimes I’ll initially start crying once I wake up because I wished so badly it was real because in my dream the embrace of whoever he was felt so real.

Fellow Stoics ,

I am in kind of a tough position in my life.I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional family and it has fallen apart in the last few years.I have made efforts to repair that , but none of them have given any results , the furthest we ever got was agreeing that we , as a family , are just not compatible and it's not possible for us to be together without straining our mental health.

At the moment , I also don't have any really close friends whom I can be totally intimate with , partly because the nature of my situation is so messed up , that it should only fall on a therapist's ears.This makes me feel quite lonely in this world , where nobody really knows the shit I have went and go through.

It will probably be atleast 3-4 years before I can settle down on my own and have a complete life of my own , or go to therapy.Until then , What can I do to accept the lack of emotional support and intimacy , how can I keep myself going even when I feel down?

i'm hooking up with someone and i really like them. they're the first and only person i've made a real connection with (which is difficult for me due to the intense anxiety socializing and meeting new people gives me) in the town i've moved to, but they aren't looking for a relationship right now and are moving away soon. i'm trying to enjoy myself, accept the uncertainty, and see where it goes, but i think the fact that i know this isn't going anywhere real + i won't be very good at keeping in touch after they move is gonna hurt me. i like them a lot but i feel annoying and i can't help but not trust them when they say they like spending time with me, and i don't trust my own perception of myself or our relationship. how do i deal with the pain of the one person i've grown attached to inevitably bailing and growing apart from me, or is it just something i have to get through and try not to let it dishearten me? i don't blame them, as this was clear from the outset, i got overly fond of them, and am just sad about this good thing's end being on the horizon. i need to socialize more or hook up with other people, but it's hard. how do i put myself out there when the very thought is terrifying?

If you have a similar story please do share for others to get inspired. Hope this story gets you going as well.

I've never been in a romantic relationship. Always had one sided feelings. I've watched so much porn in the past, I'm borderline desensitised to that shit. It's all the same anyway.

Talking about how the heartbreak, when you pour out your heart in a one sided love, you'll drain yourself out even when the girl is your bestfriend.

I just want somebody to look and smile at me. I want to tell her that I love her, spend all my time with her. Some girl who values and reciprocates my feelings. I've been waiting for way too long.

Yet here I am, shutting myself off emotionally to her and everyone else. I don't want nutting, I want true emotional intimacy. I crave a hug more than sex. I crave a voice of a smiling face more than a kiss.

I try to distract myself with songwriting, playing guitar, singing and making music for the world. Also I've luckily got my childhood friends with me and we've been playing football every other day outside(great for endorphins). Luckily most external things in life are good. It's just what's inside that makes me feel numb.

Been practising NNN since October 25. Hope we'll get through this with flying colors.

TLDR: Never been in mutual love. Crave emotional intimacy more than physical. As a result I don't feel horny anymore. I focus on my hobbies, friends and sports. I hope I'll get through this.

~ The text below is not necessary, it’s just background info / my experience, you an answer without reading the rest ~

I recently figured out I’m probably aromantic and that the times I experienced feeling romantic attractions and “falling in love” were all based in wanting emotional intimacy, and I got “being in love” confused with being codependent. I actually don’t know what romantic feelings are, I’ve never really felt it.

I felt weird that I was always developing “crushes” so often, but those “crushes” were just me feeling some sort of other attraction such as aesthetic, sexual, or alterous. I was just feeling attraction all the time for different people for different reasons and at different degrees. That realization has really helped me understand what I want and how I interact with people. But recently, I’ve been confused.

I am developing something between an alterous attraction and a queerplatonic attraction for someone and it’s so confusing because it’s so intense and there’s so many other forms of attractions involved within my feelings that I can’t entirely sort. What I know for sure is that I used to associate this feeling with feelings of romantic attraction that was supposed to lead to a romantic relationship. What makes me feel weird is that I feel some sort of alterous / qp feelings with this person, so I want to be emotionally close and I’m interested in doing things like giving and receiving physical affection, and I feel entirely comfortable initiating those things, but I feel uncomfortable when the person reciprocates and mirrors my advances even though I want them to!! Like what the heck. I also feel uncomfortable with my own feelings and attractions for this person and I’m not sure why.

Has anyone else felt like this? How did you interpret it?

I've been in the dating game since my last relationship ended 3 years ago. At first, I wasn't looking for anything in particular - I was fresh out of a relationship and had a hard time imagining myself in a new one. However, once I got to the point that where I was wanting something more serious, I noticed that something had changed in the dating pool.

It's kind of hard for me to describe what it is - it's like complete apathy towards anything other than hang out or having sex while dating. Ambivalence about forming a deeper connection with someone. It doesn't really matter if I have sex with a woman I'm seeing after the first date or 4 weeks - after that point, it seems like things just go on autopilot. It almost feels like they don't want (or try to have) any kind of emotional connection, even if they want to continue seeing me or be exclusive.

I find this bewildering. Prior to my last relationship my approach to dating was identical, and while dating progressed similarly in the beginning, things fizzled out immediately if it was clear that there wasn't an emotional connection. It's as if the people I meet no longer see emotional intimacy as a critical component of a relationship.

What's changed? Anyone else encounter this?

How can you show someone who doesn't understand the difference; that there is one? F31, m32 married 1 years. I need intimacy that does not involve having intercourse. Sometimes I just need to connect with a person on a level that is not one where anyone is horny. I would like to know if there's other words I can use then "sometimes I just want to be held for being a person and be loved not for being someone that can be fucked"

So I finally understand that I’m not meant to date while I’m young and I’m just gonna wait it out and hope girls view me as an option in my early thirties. Unfortunately that’s over a decade away so I need to find some way to distract myself or at least make those feeling feel less intense.

I already have friends, a job, hobbies, and I’m a student so it’s not like I’m not busy enough to keep myself preoccupied, but I still crave a romantic partner every single day.

How do I remove these desires I until dating is actually an option for me?